Emotional

Last figures that I recorded were:

Tuesday
Total world cases: 1975,005------------------- 60,634 increase
Total fatalities:  124,792-------------------------5,689 increase
UK total: 93,873-------------------------------5,252 increase
UK Fatalities: 12,107--------------------------- 778  increase

Friday
Total world cases: 2,229,339------------------- 254,334 increase
Total fatalities:  151,167-------------------------26,375 increase
UK total: 108,692-------------------------------14,819 increase
UK Fatalities: 14,576--------------------------- 2,469 increase

I HATE the thought that my amazing dad is one of the fatalities included in the above figures, and it makes me so angry.  I really thought that he was going to get better, and it must have been so awful for him when he realised he was losing the battle.  I can't bear the thought of the terror that he must have felt - and his fear for the welfare of my Mum.  I am so glad I called him everyday - I just wish it had been easier to talk.  Seeing him (via video message) near the end was like having your heart ripped out and stamped on.  Thousands - actual thousands - of people have gone through the same thing and its simply cruel beyond belief - surreal, unbelievable.  Seeing everything on the news now - feels so different - its personal now.  So many families suffering loss.  There is also the fear - for your own life and the ones you love.  It feels never ending at the moment - although some countries I believe are seeing the numbers starting to slow.

When the government said we'd be lucky to lose less than 20,000 people in the UK - I couldn't comprehend that....its obvious that they were right because all these figures I keep sharing only include people that died in hospitals and so so many people are dying at home and in care homes.
I keep asking myself - is this real? Am I really in a really long nightmare and I'll wake up soon.  I wish that was the case.

The last couple of days have been strange.  Me and Helen have been trying to do everything we can for Mum.  She is coping okay mostly, there are a lot of distractions at the moment.  She wants nothing to do with the funeral arrangements.  We have been sorting that out - new to both of us having never had to do it before.  Its obviously upsetting having to think about and discuss some of the things west hits you at different times.  My mum was emptying the dishwasher today and suddenly burst into tears, sometimes its the smallest thing that you wouldn't think would set you off - that just causes you to get so upset all over again.

We have been changing over names on bills etc.  Helen has been sorting most of the admin - I've been helping my mum changing beds, cutting grass, changing light bulbs...walking the dogs, getting mum added to Tesco's priority delivery service, so she can get shopping delivered and not have to rely on Joanne - who has been brilliant in bringing shopping to her every week.  We have been trying to make sure Mum has nothing to worry about.  I know my Mum appreciates it, and I know my Dad would be relieved.  I'm glad he knew that me and Helen had come to stay with Mum, and that she wouldn't be alone like she had been for the previous 3 weeks.

Last night we all got together on a big group chat - Mum, my sisters Joanne, Beverley and Helen, my brothers Andrew and Anthony - and all of our partners as well as my three kids, George, Rebecca.  All of us on one video call.  It was a bit chaotic at times people starting to say things at the same time...but we got used to it.  We all raised a glass to my Dad and got a bit teary - and then we started sharing stories about Dad - always funny, always happy - a real character.  We ended up on this chat until about 1am by which time many of us - me definitely included were quite drunk!!  We were coming together and celebrating his life and what a truly wonderful man he was.   I don't say this just because he was my Dad - so so many people knew and loved my Dad - from school, rugby, art group, dancing and various other places!  Apparently somebody is trying to arrange a memorial rugby match The Roy Carter Memorial Cup or something similar, the Art group are displaying some of his paintings - some of these groups posting things on facebook.  With so many messages of heart felt condolences.  I'm so proud of him and the exceptional person he was.  I'd like to think he'd be very touched by it all.