Coming Home

We got up Friday morning and started packing straight away - stripping the beds, putting bedding and towels in the wash - bringing our stuff down stairs....getting ready to go back home after just over two weeks.  That feels like a lie - it felt much much longer that we had been away.  What a journey - travelling through the night, then going to the hospital - knowing Dad wasn't going to survive - then experiencing him leaving us - the loss, the emotions, the preparation for the funeral - each day so similar to the one before...and then the funeral.  A period of time that we will never forget.  My, mum and Helen were so close - over the last two weeks - all supporting each other, living through it together.  It was hard to leave.  Even though I couldn't wait to get home it was awful knowing that we were leaving mum on her own for the first time since Dad had died.  She had already told us that she was dreading it but didn't want to get upset because she didn't want us to feel bad - and she managed to be okay (outwardly) right up until I asked her if her spare keys were in the right place, and she couldn't find them.  I got back out of the car - we found them....I got back into the car - and then she burst into tears.  Phew, that was hard...but we had to drive away...

An hour into our drive we called her - but there was no answer.  We tried again about an hour later and she answered sounding much happier - she had been on the phone all that time to various people and I think that helped her loads.  She was back in fairly good spirits.  Before we had left Joanne had called and they had arranged that she go around like she used to on Monday night for tea - we were so pleased about that - a little bit of normality.  They discussed how they thought it was safe due to everybody isolating, but when we spoke to her from the car - Chris had said no - that mum had to isolate for another two weeks as he thought that the officiate and Steve Lawrence had got too close to her at the funeral.  So that was crap.

The journey went quickly as we were talking none stop - and then I was home - it was about 3pm!  A massive hug from Andy felt amazing - he was sweating as he'd been cleaning to get it all nice for me! Nothing like leaving it until the last minute! It was so weird coming into the house - it looked so big! It honestly truly felt like I had been away for months!! I came into the kitchen/living room - thinking - wow - this place is huge!! lol.  None of the cats bothered to turn up and greet me!  We unpacked the car - Helen nipped to the loo - and then she left, on the last leg of her journey.  We hugged when she left and I thought about what we'd been through together and I felt emotional and very grateful to her - for everything we had shared together.  We had been each others support and got each other through it all - we'd cried - and laughed together, talked through so many things...

I didn't really know what to do with myself once Helen had gone - I had quite a few cuddles with Andy - felt emotional about everything...  We went for a walk around the garden - which again made me feel like I'd been gone for ages - it had grown so much!  Then....I had a gin with actual tonic lol - at mums we had run out of tonic and drank gin and coke! Not that we drank much to be honest.  I got changed - threw myself on my massive bed! and just walked around thinking how nice it was to be back.  It was still bitter sweet though - my dad had been alive when I'd left.  I tried to talk to Andy about some of the things we'd experienced but kept getting upset and not being able to talk - so I left it.  Andy had his own struggles - being all on his own, grieving too and obviously just struggling with the idea of this virus tearing the world apart...

We eventually settled down and watched a film - the cats appeared and I got cuddles - and we ordered Chinese....it got to 10pm and I was falling asleep!  I was also looking forward to getting into my own bed...I was in bed before Helen apparently lol - unheard of before all this....

I must of fallen asleep straight away as I only remember laying down and thinking ooohhhh this is nice.  However, the cats did wake me up when they lay against me and then decided it was bath time....

Covid-19 figures and reflection

Here are the figures from the past few days:

Wednesday
Total world cases: 3,207,514-------------------84,681  increase
Total fatalities:  227,198-------------------------10,719 increase
UK total: 165,221------------------------------- 4,076 increase
UK Fatalities: 26,097--------------------------- 4,419 increase (765 today)

Thursday
Total world cases: 3,303,590-------------------96,076 increase
Total fatalities:  233,709-------------------------6,511 increase
UK total: 171,253-------------------------------  6,032 increase
UK Fatalities: 26,771--------------------------- 674 increase

Friday
Total world cases: 3,388,235-------------------  84,645 increase
Total fatalities:  238,935------------------------- 5,226 increase
UK total: 177,454-------------------------------  6,201 increase
UK Fatalities: 27,510--------------------------- 739 increase

So - looking at the figures - the UK are still getting around 700 deaths a day.  We are not seeing a daily decrease - it doesn't really matter whether the government are saying we are still in the peak, or we are over the peak or whatever - it is consistently high when you look at the figures.  Although....before we only had the hospital figures and I'm not sure, but this might now include other figures from care homes.  Either way - so many people are dying of this horrendous virus. 

It still hurts to know that my dad is amongst these fatalities, and I just hope that my family does not suffer any further loses.  I haven't seen anybody else in all my friends on facebook, that have lost somebody to the virus - but obviously 27,510 families around the UK have, and at least a quarter of a million families around the world have too.  The UK remains one of the highest hit countries with only the US and Italy exceeding our losses. 

It is still really difficult to process - despite this having been going on for quite some time now.  Our lock down began on 23rd March and it is now 2nd May - so nearly 6 weeks.  That seems like no time at all in the grand scale of things - but it seems like so much longer than that.  Some people must be really struggling, especially people on their own.  Each person has their own struggle, whether it be coping with isolation, coping with kids and home schooling, trying to get shopping and food...domestic violence is sky high...boredom - and fear, and in some cases grief from losing a loved one  I know a few people who are convinced that they won't survive if they get it, and at the same time we are being told that a vaccine won't be available for at least a year.  It really does feel like the world has we know it has irreversibly changed, actually it is not just a feeling, it really has.  At the moment we can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even once we get a vaccine, the economy is so messed up - so many businesses and livelihoods have been eradicated.  Other things are impossible too - dental treatment, haircuts, eye tests - and more serious things such as cancer treatments being cancelled, and people not going to the doctors or A&E for fear of catching the virus. 

Who would have thought that this would happen?? well....a few people like Bill Gates maybe....but it is all like a bad movie (or a good one if it was all fictional).

Personally - I look back to the day I was driving to work crying, and turned back and came home - only my second day in work and I had a mini break down  - I look back and think, wow, I really did lose it!  I was in such a bad place.  Now, my dad has lost his battle with the virus, I realise that, that was the biggest thing stressing me out, even though I really thought he would be okay.  I suppose there was always the possibility that he wouldn't be okay.  Now, I am in a different place...where my only worries are for the rest of my family, myself....of losing Andy....all of us at this moment in time are healthy but who knows? My daughter Lissa is due a baby in 4 weeks - I was supposed to be there with her and now she can only have her partner there for a limited amount of time and nobody will be able to visit and see her tiny newborn baby and who knows how old the baby will be when we get to see her.  As long as they are all safe I suppose it is not so important but it is relative.  It is only natural for families to come together at times like this and it is painful not being able to do these things.  My son is due twins just weeks afterwards and again - this will be the same I expect, as social distancing is to remain in place for a long time yet!  They are having twins and will have to try and manage with no outside help.  What a mess.