People are so stupid! #covidiots

Sunday

Total world cases: 4,176,512-------------------79,468 increase

Total fatalities:  283,634------------------------3,503 increase

UK total: 219,183------------------------------- 3,923 increase

UK Fatalities: 31,855--------------------------- 308 increase

Monday

Total world cases: 4,250,061------------------- 73,549 increase

Total fatalities:  286,925------------------------ 3,291 increase

UK total: 223,060-------------------------------  3,877 increase

UK Fatalities: 32,065---------------------------  210 increase

Our numbers are down again - which is good news.  Our R number is less than one - which means for every infected person - they are passing it on to less than 1 other person - but only just.  We need to keep going.  Boris Johnson addressed the public again - really just repeating what he said last night.  I really don't get why people are claiming he is not being clear.  Surely, if you have some level of intelligence it makes sense.  When the PM was taking questions last night on TV a reporter Laura Kuenssberg.....actually said to Boris Johnson "Many people thought that your speech last night raised as many questions as it gave answers (NO - it was quite straightforward) "You can see your colleagues if you go to work, but grandparents can't look after your children".  What - are you so stupid?? Let me explain it to you - Miss reporter who is obviously lacking in brain cells - of course grandparents (high risk people) can't look after children (who are too young to understand 2 metre social distancing) safely! and she compares this to going back to work!!!  Going back to work WHEN it is safe to do so i.e. social distancing measures ARE in place!!  How do they get away with this kind of questioning....She also said, many employers are just not ready to have people back to work yet...WELL THEY CAN'T GO BACK TO WORK YET CAN THEY.  I don't know the names of reporters - don't know who they are, but this Laura Kuenssberg, was so unbelievably stupid I had to look her up.  I found lots of #laurakuenssberg comments on twitter - apparently this is not the first time she has been a complete idiot...how does she get away with it?

I honestly feel so sorry for Boris Johnson having to answer such stupid questions....people implying, or saying, that he is being ambiguous about who can, and who can not go back to work...do they want him to list every single industry and profession and all the different varieties within those - and say - yes this is okay, no this isn't.  USE COMMON SENSE people!! IF it is safe to do so AND you can't work from home AND you are not going to ram yourself onto a train or a tube.... Honestly, the ignorance of people is just simply embarrassing.  So many memes with Boris Johnson - making him look like he is not being clear just exposes the stupidity of people.  I soooo want to rant at people on social media for their stupid comments - but I don't want to get into arguments with them, but honestly - the more stupid people out there that write things about the Government not being clear (when they are being as clear as they can) the more other stupid people will believe it.  

I don't claim to be highly intelligent - I'm just an average person, who can listen to other people and understand what they are saying - because it is not rocket science.

Okay - rant over.

well....maybe not - I just looked up other news, and President Trump - was doing a press conference and a Chinese-American journalist asked him - why is it a competition regarding how many tests you complete compared to other countries - rather than focusing on the amount of people dying....his answer was - why don't you ask China that question? She said - why are you saying that to me specifically? He said he wasn't - then said next question (cutting her off) - and another female reporter put her hand up - he pointed at her, then as she leaned into the microphone, he said next question and looked for somebody else!  Maybe, you need to see the visuals to understand that firstly he was referring to her being Chinese and then didn't want another question from a female.  I think the whole virus thing is as surreal as it is having Trump for American president - both things seem like a very sick joke.

I'll change the subject....what did I do yesterday?  I made a creamy butter chicken curry, a new recipe which uses almond flour - which I did not like! and I did very little else.  I was supposed to go into our annex and have a look at the bath/shower because something is apparently leaking - but I got a message off the guest Katherine (who is a key worker - a Doctor at our local hospital) saying that there had been an outbreak of Coronavirus on her ward, and although she had tested negative, she had to be re-tested on Friday in case she is in the incubation period.  So - I couldn't risk going in there - and I also hope she is okay, and her partner!

So - today is Tuesday - I guess I'll write about it tomorrow - I hope the day will be more positive - we have quiz night with the kids tonight so that should be fun....then I am back at work tomorrow!  Its been around a month since I did half a day at my new job, and the next day - left for work and drove home again - in an emotional state....

Staff Nurse Poem - Covid-19. Getting to the heart of it.

I came across this on social media this morning - and had read it before giving myself the chance to decide not to - if that makes sense.  This made me properly sob, because it totally describes the situation we were in with my Dad, and this gets right to the heart of what so many families have experienced.   This is the reason that the clapping for the NHS every Thursday evening, makes me cry.  I keep glancing at the some of the words and can feel myself get upset again - for now, I can't read it again because it is too close to home.  If you are reading my blog and haven't experienced the loss of a loved one due to the coronavirus - then this is as close to summing it up as it gets.

Lazy...Lazy....Laziness (me)...and Boris Johnson

Saturday

Total world cases: 4,097,044-------------------89,752 increase

Total fatalities:  280,131------------------------4,394 increase

UK total: 215,260------------------------------- 3,896 increase

UK Fatalities: 31,547--------------------------- 306 increase

Sunday

Total world cases: 4,176,512-------------------79,468 increase

Total fatalities:  283,634------------------------3,503 increase

UK total: 219,183------------------------------- 3,923 increase

UK Fatalities: 31,855--------------------------- 308 increase

Two days with lower figures for the UK - but they keep telling us that it goes down at the weekend because it is not being reported fully.

Today's news was all about the impending Boris Johnson press release at 7pm.  So I'll just jump to what was said...

It was almost 2 months since we gave up our freedom - we have had hardships but it has been the only way to beat the virus.  The death toll and suffering has been immense, but we did prevent a complete catastrophe - and now the death rates are coming down and admissions into hospitals are coming down, but we must continue to control the virus and save lives.  We are all fearful of the virus and also fearful for our future and livelihoods.  

He said he wanted to provide a rough sketch of how we are going to get back from this - what we could do - it is a conditional plan because we can't move forward unless we can protect NHS, see sustained falls in the death rates, and the rate of infection - get enough PPE to the people who need it - and we need to make sure that any measure we take does not push the R back up over 1.  To chart our progress we are establishing a new covid alert level - the lower the level the fewer the measures we will need to take - the higher the level, the stricter we need to be.  Level 1 =  the virus is no longer present in the UK - level 5 - what it would have been if NHS was overrun.  We are in level 4 - but we are starting to move into level 3.  

To keep pushing it down we need to reduce number of deaths in care homes, and we need testing for 100,000 every day - have made progress but need more.  Initially we hadn't seen this disease before with everyday we learn more.  Our new system will be able to detect local flare-ups as well as giving an overall picture.  We are only just below R=1.  This is not the time to simply end the lock down - we are going to carefully modify it.  

Work from home if you can and only go to work if you must.  People who can't work at home should get back to work if you can but avoid public transport - use a car, walk or cycle.  Workplaces are going to be given new guidelines to follow to keep people safe.  From Wednesday - people should be encouraged to take more exercise, can drive to places and not be limited to an hour.  But keep social distancing.

If we begin to fulfil the conditions and bring R number down we can move to step 2 - probably beginning of June - some shops could open again and some children can go back to school.  But this is dependent on the R number going down.  Step three - by July at the earliest - hoping to re-open some hospitality places.  We are not going to be driven by hope, but by science and data - so all changes are dependent on how well we do.

Soon - we will be imposing quarantine people coming into the UK by air.  

We are going to be monitoring progress and if there are any problems, we will but on the brakes.  We have a plan, to save lives and restore livelihoods - but we all must make it work.  If we cannot achieve these changes by theses dates we will delay it.  

For now - stay alert, control the virus and save lives.

So - that was what was said.  Then lots of people on social media criticised him for one reason or another, saying he was not clear enough, saying - things like...."The poor should be encouraged to go to work" "PM's lock down release leaves Britain confused and divided" that Boris had said "I'm not sure, we'll see" Matt Lucas - did an impression - Go to work, don't go to work, stay at home, but go to work....that kind of thing.  All of this nonsensical chatter annoys the hell out of me!  It was very clear to me what Boris Johnson said, so why people are taking the piss as though it wasn't....people just want to complain.  Boris was saying - how can we just lift the lock down when the virus is still out there! He was saying - when it starts to go away and be under control then we can lift things gradually, keeping an eye on it at the same time and adjusting accordingly.  Makes sense to me!

We are still in the middle of a huge pandemic and people can't simply be impatient to get back to normal, because it is just not going to happen.  It can't happen or our death rates will rocket back up again and we will be back at square one.  I am not all knowing, all-seeing - I am only taking what ever information I can from the news and by following Dr John Campbell (who does daily chats on youtube) but it is obvious to me that we need to continue to stay in until it is safe to come out, and if we have to come out (for work or whatever) then we must stay apart and not let it spread.  Simple!  Boris Johnson (and a huge amount of advisers) can only make decisions based on numbers and science.

Anyway - I think he is going to be saying more today and taking questions - so I'm sure he'll get slagged off all over again for one thing or another.

After I watched this news release on TV last night I felt really emotional all over again.  Because whatever happens, I already lost my dad and nothing can change that, and lots of people have lost their own lives or people that they loved, and whatever we do now we can't bring those people back.  The whole topic is much more personal for people that have been irreversibly effected - it's not just some inconvenient drama playing out....

I don't really have anything to talk about concerning the rest of yesterday because I was unbelievably lazy.  We had yummy breakfast casserole, and we played on the VR - Arizona Sunshine - killing zombies!  We completed the game, so stopped playing at that point - and we watched TV, ate lots of unhealthy stuff like chocolate and did nothing else!!  

Today I have got up wondering why I seem to be on self-destruct and have been for ages - not getting exercise, eating healthy, being productive - I am getting more and more lazy and fat and I really don't like it but don't seem to have it in me to actually take any positive action - or when I do it doesn't last longer than a day and is halfhearted.  I never used to be like this - was always at the gym, watching what I was eating etc.  I used to feel really good about myself because I knew I had a healthy heart - that I could run if I wanted to - took pride in myself.  I keep telling myself that I will change when I go back to work....but will I? I'll have less time to myself....

I have today and tomorrow - then I am back at work again.  I need a plan.  

Fun in our English Country Garden!

Thursday

Total world cases: 3,909,187-------------------101,633 increase

Total fatalities:  270,249-------------------------6,243 increase

UK total: 206,715-------------------------------  5,614 increase

UK Fatalities: 30,615--------------------------- 539 increase

Friday

Total world cases: 4,007,292-------------------98,105 increase

Total fatalities:  275,737------------------------5,022 increase

UK total: 211,364------------------------------- 4,649 increase

UK Fatalities: 31,241--------------------------- 626 increase

Saturday

Total world cases: 4,097,044-------------------89,752 increase

Total fatalities:  280,131------------------------4,394 increase

UK total: 215,260------------------------------- 3,896 increase

UK Fatalities: 31,547--------------------------- 306 increase

The figures are still going up - although apparently the curves are flattening.  But as far as I can see - its not changing really....

It is difficult trying to pull anything interesting out from the news over the past couple of days - South Korea who did extremely well in this pandemic and have tried to get back to normal are closing places in the city centre again after seeing a rise in cases - a warning to the rest of us!

The rest of the news just annoys me - what the UK should have done differently, what mistakes we made - how we had to send samples to the US for testing due to lab 'issues'....blame....blame...

Its as though the reporters can't think of anything else to report about...in the USA their idiot president met with Military leaders - around a big table for a photo opportunity and proper social distancing measures were not adhered to....Obama has said that the pandemic has been a 'chaotic disaster'....so again - not really news....

So - Friday for me was crappy....me and Andy had a tiny fallout over what I was doing for our family quiz - but really it was me just being in a crappy place.  I went off and fell asleep for a bit - then went off and had a bath....just feeling depressed....then we managed to forget about it - and ordered Chinese and watched TV until bedtime.  So - uneventful crap day!

Saturday - I got up - the sun was shining - I felt positive and decided that I was going to have a good day!!  I had a video chat with Helen, we spoke through some of the things we experienced with Dad - she isn't getting an opportunity to talk about it (which was the advice of her psychiatrist colleague) because Paul has his own issues having lost his Dad already and then a step Dad.  So I tried to give her the opportunity to speak in depth about what we went through - and we both got upset at points...then we moved on and spoke about a few unrelated things before getting off the phone.  I don't know if it did her any good - but I hope it did.

I then made a breakfast casserole - and stuck it in the fridge and tidied and cleaned the kitchen - then Andy got up.  We went out into the garden - and the weather was glorious! we listened to music - said Hi to our guests who came and sat on their side!  We cooked some chicken on the BBQ - had a few drinks - we managed to put together some Pimms and lemonade - with pieces of orange and pear!

We sat outside talking about the places we want to visit when all this madness is over - places in the UK like Cornwall - Andy really loves Newquay, I'd like to go to some quieter places, maybe lakes I can swim in (I always love anything to do with water).  I was also saying that it would be great to hire a big place in Cornwall with its own bit of beach for all the family to come too....  I also fantasised about some amazing tropical beach somewhere!  I've been looking up pictures online recently - just searching for clear turquoise sea - and some amazing pics come up - I just want to go to one of these places! They are usually Australia or Bali....but I don't need to go that far - any Caribbean island would be good!! We also talked about how awesome it will be when all of our kids and their partners (and their kids!) can come over and we can all just have lots of fun together - share meals, stories - just the normal stuff.  We were keeping the mood good and not allowing ourselves to talk about the damn virus or anything associated to it.  If I went onto that subject - Andy would stop me and we'd get back on to all the fun stuff!  We played the garden game Smite too - won one each and left it there...all good fun.

As it got later - we went inside and had a game of pool for the first time in AGES....literally months.  I won both games hehehe and we were part way through our 3rd game when Helen and Paul called - so we left that and sat down - and had a get-together with them (online) 

This was Paul's impression of an invisible man! lol

We got off the call when our Chinese food turned up - for the second night in a row!!  We have zero discipline and it's really not good....although that's the problem - the food is good and takes zero preparation!!

Anyway - today has been the best day in a long time.  With short bursts of thinking of my Dad, and feeling a bit sad....and having to tell myself - don't go there....

So today (Sunday) which I will probably write about tomorrow as I always seem a day behind now, I have breakfast casserole all prepared to start the day off, and it has just gone into the oven because I can hear Andy getting up, I think we are going online on the VR and playing zombie games with H&P! lol and I have a mouse underneath the couch I am sat on because all of the cats are stalking around me - so we need to try and save it!  Yesterday I tried to save something that May had got - only to find it was the wrong end of a slow worm - that was wiggling about on its own accord.  

Not a great day....

Wednesday

Total world cases: 3,807,554-------------------  97,109 increase

Total fatalities:  264,006-------------------------7,012 increase

UK total: 201,101-------------------------------  6,111 increase

UK Fatalities: 30,076--------------------------- 649 increase

Thursday

Total world cases: 3,909,187-------------------101,633 increase

Total fatalities:  270,249-------------------------6,243 increase

UK total: 206,715-------------------------------  5,614 increase

UK Fatalities: 30,615--------------------------- 539 increase

What can I say that I haven't already said? Its crap - ppl are still dying.....The majority of Thursday's papers were focused on the prospect of some possible changes to the lockdown.

"Happy Monday" is the celebratory headline in the Sun, as it reports on a likely "easing of lockdown restrictions".  The Daily Mail proclaims "Hurrah! Lockdown freedom beckons", while the Daily Express goes for: "First steps to freedom".  The Daily Star's headline describes 11 May as "magic Monday".  There is a lot of speculation about what measures are likely to be relaxed and when. The Guardian suggests that straight away people will be allowed to sunbathe, have picnics and go rambling.

I think all of the above is just stupid!!  I don't think Monday will bring any big changes to the lock down - and if there is then it is a big mistake.  The government already set lock down rules too late, surely they won't make the same mistake again - and let everybody out again too early.  I reckon any relaxation of the rules will be minor...we'll have to see won't we!

Our gardeners came yesterday - so I went out to have a quick chat (at a distance obviously) and Chloe asked how my new job was going - so I told her about only going in for one day, and then the next day I started to drive in, and turned around and came back because I just couldn't handle it - I told her how my dad caught the coronavirus - and said he didn't make it (I was really trying to hold back the tears) and then she started crying! which set me off!!  We discussed how crap it all is - she asked how old my dad was and that really gets to me.  People might hear 79 years old and think....well....he was old then.  But it wasn't like that - he was still working, still capable and still had years left!!  

Lissa also caught up with her own blog https://lilbeetroot.blogspot.com/  and she spoke about her grandad (my dad) being lost to the coronavirus - and it really made me cry.  Reading from her perspective - it was just really sad.  The fact that she is writing her blog again though, is a good thing!  She is due her baby in less than 3 weeks now! As I've said before - I was supposed to be there with them for the birth, and I felt privileged and excited, nervous - but it would have been so special to witness....but the coronavirus put an end to all that - even her partner Antony will be restricted in how long he will be able to spend with her and the baby...

I also spoke to Helen who said that she had spoken to a psychiatrist (a colleague - as she is a Dr of psychology) and she said... our brains haven’t processed it apparently.  Due to being unexpected, shocking, highly emotional... it’s not ‘processed’ in the way normal memories are.  So my colleague reminded me...Hence they keep coming back, advice is to not push them away but to talk about them.  So - me and Andy sat in the garden and I spoke about that last day in the hospital - getting all upset all over again - and then I just felt totally depressed - and so did Andy - who was very good and patient and just listened.  It didn't feel like it did any good yesterday - but today I feel better about it.  

So all-in-all yesterday was not a good day.  The only good thing was that - I got an email from my boss - who said not to come in this weekend - to leave it until Wednesday.  Phew.  A few more days - because I am dreading it.  I'll be in Wed/Thur/Fri - and then the Saturday is my birthday.  Not something I am looking forward to - because we can't go out or do anything, we don't really want to spend money because our future is uncertain - and I'm going to be 49!  My last year in my forties!  How did I get this old? Helen always reminds me that some people are not lucky enough to make it until 49 or 50....so there is that....  Each year, the weather on my birthday is usually really nice - my Dad always said to me that the sun always comes out on my birthday and I was born in a heatwave...he'd call me and say - see the weather is always good!!  So I'll miss that phone call....unless it rains lol.

Slightly more productive day

Tuesday

Total world cases: 3,710,445-------------------  69,630 increase

Total fatalities:  256,994-------------------------5,178 increase

UK total: 194,990-------------------------------  4,406 increase

UK Fatalities: 29,427--------------------------- 693 increase

Wednesday

Total world cases: 3,807,554-------------------  97,109 increase

Total fatalities:  264,006-------------------------7,012 increase

UK total: 201,101-------------------------------  6,111 increase

UK Fatalities: 30,076--------------------------- 649 increase

So - as you can see we hit the 30,000 mark.  That is a massive amount of people.  Figures just keep going up and up....who knows where this will end, when it will end - if it will ever end.  

News - Bank of England warn of deep UK recession.  No shit Sherlock!  There is speculation that some lock down measures could be eased on Monday....really? because we are doing so well? I don't think so!  I guess some people just can't survive, pay the bills, buy food?  We live in fear of Andy losing his job, in fact his role has already gone and his team are gradually leaving and finding other roles - so the fear is finding a new job - and if it all goes wrong we would lose the house etc.  However, at the moment salaries are still being paid - so I guess we are lucky and would want the lock down measures to continue for our safety, but other people haven't been that lucky.  But - if the measures are reduced, more people WILL die...the government seem to simply be concerned about the NHS coping - not people losing actual lives.  It's tricky - because people are desperate to get some normality back, but a price will be paid until we get a vaccine...

Anyway - yesterday - Wednesday - I decided that I wasn't going to sit and do nothing all day like many days! So I went out into the nice weather and cut the grass.  It takes about an hour and a half as there is so much lawn area, I do about 11,000 steps - which is more than our 5km walks - closer to 10km.  So I guess it was exercise too.  However, there ends up a lot of thinking time, as walking up and down with a mower doesn't keep you mentally distracted - so I kept thinking about my dad which made me obviously very sad.  During this time, Andy was studying, for want of a better word, ready for an interview on Friday - he has been looking for another job but as you might imagine - not many people are hiring right now...  Once the mowing was done - and I got cleaned up - we went and sat in the garden with a beer and just chatted, chilled out.  We are both trying our best to keep our spirits up in the middle of the global catastrophe but it is not all that easy.  When the sun started to hide behind the house - we came indoors - made food and got ready to go online with Helen and Paul.  

It was about 7.30pm when we all got virtually together.  I started off asking Helen how she was - and she'd had a chat with a colleague who is a mental health something-or-other.  She mentioned post traumatic stress disorder - and I asked if she thought she had that (which wouldn't surprise me because what we went through in Manchester with Dad was pretty horrendous).  But she said no - PTSD is something that appears at a later date when you haven't processed something - whereas she is struggling mentally now - she then had to go off screen for a minute because she got upset.  I really felt for her - because she is doing what I keep doing - breaking down, remembering, hurting - it's not good.  She pulled herself together and we all tried to change the subject - and started chatting about other stuff for a while - before playing a game.  Me and Helen won - jointly - so we had a tie-breaker - and I lost lol.  It had been a very nice distraction for a while - and I think I said it on Tuesday when we were online with the kids - it's the new way of getting together with people - and although its all online, it is the closest thing we have to social interaction.  It was quite late when we got off this call - so we watched something briefly on TV then got to bed.  

Walking and quiz night

Monday

Total world cases: 3,640,815-------------------  82,266 increase

Total fatalities:  251,816------------------------- 4,212 increase

UK total: 190,584-------------------------------  3,985 increase

UK Fatalities: 28,734--------------------------- 288 increase

Tuesday

Total world cases: 3,710,445-------------------  69,630 increase

Total fatalities:  256,994-------------------------5,178 increase

UK total: 194,990-------------------------------  4,406 increase

UK Fatalities: 29,427--------------------------- 693 increase

Bloody 693 again - every time, I think we are going to continue to see downward figures in the UK's death rate - they go back up again.  This time - it makes us the worst hit Country in Europe and now the only country ahead of us is the USA.  The next headlines, either today or tomorrow will be that we have hit 30,000 (today being Wednesday - as I am behind because I am writing the figures a day behind atm because unlike when I was at my mums, I am not updating this blog before I go to sleep, but rather the next morning.

So, yesterday me and Andy went out for a walk and this time we did my old 10km running route - don't think we passed even one other person which was good - we go 4km along a main road and the rest of the way is down country lanes.  It was raining, which was nice and cooling - and the last 2-3km were fairly tough as my hips and feet were aching....but it was good to be out - and was good to feel like we were getting exercise.  Apparently Andy burnt over 1000 calories - and me just under 600.  That will explain why I put on 1lb - doesn't seem to matter what I do my weight just goes up and up.....  This was not the reason we were walking though - we need to get fitter and increase our chances of surviving if we catch the virus.  Especially Andy as about 70% of people dying from the virus are men, are large proportion are overweight...  I saw that Andy (and me to some extent) found parts of the walk tough because it goes steeply upwards - but I wanted to get our heart rate up, so we set a fair pace too...

The first pic is where we turn off the main road - and the second is half way up a big hill - so we are both looking knackered!

I got a nice shower when we got back - and Andy had to do some work...

Later we watched a bit of a new series called Into the Night - and I was chatting with Helen online - she has struggled again today - as have I to a smaller extent - I ended up not in the mood at all for our quiz night with the kids - however - I ended up really enjoying it again - it is just so good to get together with other people.  

So the top one is everybody looking quite normal - then Connor was doing his - penis thumb!! which was very funny! and the last one - Adam is doing a weird thing with his face!!!  So - yeah we're all pretty normal people.....??

Me and Andy won the quiz lol....only just, they were tough competition!!  Lissa and Antony were the quiz masters tonight!  Adam and Erika are hosting next week and us the week after!  I think that tonight we are getting together with Helen and Paul - and sometime soon we will get online with Yvonne and Stuart.  Its the new 'normal' was of getting together with people.  

Lissa has just 3 weeks until her due date - so if they only allow her to go 2 weeks over - the baby will definitely be with us sometime in the next 5 weeks!  Exciting and scary - scary because of what she will have to go through to have the baby!  Something, I should have been there for - another crap reminder of how this virus has changed so many things.  Then - we won't be able to actually go and see her or the baby - think I've mentioned this quite a few times already, but its just so crap!  Once I am back at work - I might have too much exposure to go and see her even when the lock down starts to ease - I couldn't risk passing anything to them!  

Anyway - today is Wednesday - I only have a few precious days left before I have to go back to work - something I am not looking forward to, but at the same time, I just want to get a little normal in my life - if you can call this normal as I haven't been out to work for a few years now...and....well actually it will be nothing like 'normal' will it....

Lock down day 100,135....or so it feels

Sunday
Total world cases: 3,554,549-------------------  88,884 increase
Total fatalities:  247,604------------------------- 3,857 increase
UK total: 186,599-------------------------------  4,339 increase
UK Fatalities: 28,446--------------------------- 315 increase

Monday
Total world cases: 3,640,815-------------------  82,266 increase
Total fatalities:  251,816------------------------- 4,212 increase
UK total: 190,584-------------------------------  3,985 increase
UK Fatalities: 28,734--------------------------- 288 increase

So - its Tuesday today - but I didn't update the figures last night - look how the UK fatalities have reduced, I hope it is even lower today!  It is great news - not for the people that still died however, but great for the people still alive that could have been just another number if we hadn't locked down.  The news is always discussing when the lock down will be lifted, and I understand people want to get back to normal - or as normal as it can be, but come on people!!  Don't rush - lets continue to save lives and not go out until it is really safe!!  

I am trying to type one-handed, as one of my cats - mercky is paddy-pawing my arm and licking me as she has done since she was a kitten.  My arms always look a little shredded but its so sweet...

Anyway in the news yesterday the Nightingale Hospital in London - built in the excel centre to take 4,000 patients has stepped down as it is not needed anymore.  I don't think it was ever even a quarter full - they built it all but didn't have the staff to manage it!  But it is great news that its not full of people!  I'm not sure how they predicted we'd need it - we ended up one of the worse hit countries and yet didn't really need it.  I believe this is because they managed to free up so many beds in hospitals.  The doctor staying with us in our annex told me that the hospital is really really quiet because they don't have many covid patients, and there are no visitors allowed in the hospital.  So far from being over run it is eerily quiet.  We are no way near over this nightmare however - and there is fear of a 2nd wave once we all emerge from our houses....

The news is boring - same old stuff....companies losing business (new car sales down 97%), articles about what to expect at work when the lock down is eased (all of a sudden we won't need 2 metres distance between us, suddenly a metre is fine!), there is to be a trial of a tracing/tracking app on the Isle of Wright (to see if you have been in contact with infected people)...who died of the virus that we might know (keyboard player from the Strangles), midwives still delivering babies in the middle of the chaos (the token good news story).....Countries doing well....countries doing badly....predictions....guesses....

So....yesterday - we organised our food and meal plan as we always have to make our shopping last us until the next one....we seems to be saving money as we are not wasting food like we might normally do.  We went for a walk - we did a 5km route that I used to run.  Took a few pics...

It felt today that Andy was feeling low - not surprising considering that we are in the middle of a pandemic, his job is not secure, we can't leave the house or go anywhere other than the walk, we've suffered a bereavement - the world as we knew it has gone, hopefully temporary but who knows what the new normal will be like - it all sucks really.  I kept having low moments too - suddenly thinking about not seeing my dad again...

Groundhog days....the highlight of our day being.....can't think of anything....well...yesterday was saving a mouse from the cats and it looking undamaged (unlike the dead one we found earlier in the day).  We got to the end of Money Heist....that has kept me occupied in the evenings for a couple of weeks.  Have to d=find something else now.  There are other things I could be doing - getting my sowing machine out and making masks, painting in the attic, cleaning....but I am not doing any of these things.  Lost all motivation - for quite a while now!  Not sure how to make this better - when I force myself to do things and not sit around like this....

in my PJ's, unbrushed hair.......I don't seem to get any pleasure from it and it feels like so much effort.

Tonight we are having another quiz night with the kids - that should be good.....sorry - I'm obviously not feeling in a great place right now.....

 

Saturday/Sunday

Friday
Total world cases: 3,388,235-------------------  84,645 increase
Total fatalities:  238,935------------------------- 5,226 increase
UK total: 177,454-------------------------------  6,201 increase
UK Fatalities: 27,510--------------------------- 739 increase

Saturday
Total world cases: 3,465,665------------------- 77,430  increase
Total fatalities:  243,747------------------------- 4,812 increase
UK total: 182,260-------------------------------  4,806 increase
UK Fatalities: 28,131--------------------------- 621 increase

Sunday
Total world cases: 3,554,549-------------------  88,884 increase
Total fatalities:  247,604------------------------- 3,857 increase
UK total: 186,599-------------------------------  4,339 increase
UK Fatalities: 28,446--------------------------- 315 increase

The UK is almost at 30,000 deaths - and to think we were horrified when the Government mentioned a figure of 20,000 at the beginning of all this.  There is a lot of discussion about why the UK is one of the highest hit countries in the world.  Only the US and Italy are ahead of us - and Italy is barely ahead...  If we had locked down a week earlier = not only would we have saved lots of people - but we almost certainly have not lost my Dad.  That is tough to accept.  However, hindsight is a wonderful thing - I have to tell myself that our Government did the very best they could in unprecedented circumstances. 

Three days ago President Trump said that he had seen evidence that the virus has originated from a Wuhan lab - and yesterday Pompeo (the secretary of State in the US) also said that he thought that the virus was made made in a Wuhan lab.  This has been my thinking all along, and I wrote a long post about it on 14th April 2020 - but obviously I don't know the truth.  If it is true then it is tragic - tragic to think this could all have been avoided and human error (or even human intent) caused all of this chaos and destruction.  Who knows what will happen if it is proven - war with China? This would be catastrophic....

 Anyway - this weekend - Saturday me and Andy went out for a walk.  I have been concerned about Andy not having left the house for 6 weeks - and was a little concerned that it might turn into a really unhealthy, almost phobia....he would disagree - he is just being sensible and following advice and understandably he is concerned about catching the virus as it could be a death sentence.  So - we went out to a local area, Netherclay - which is a few acres of greenery, paths....and the sun was out and it was nice - for both of us.  Mega paranoid when coming across other people, but everybody was staying away from everybody else.

Later that evening, we were having a few drinks - we ordered pizza - and at some point I started talking about my dad - and I opened the dam.  I properly cried, about the loss, the injustice, the suffering he endured, the unfairness...I allowed myself to really feel it.  Andy was great - let me just cry whilst being supportive...I eventually calmed down.  I think I needed to do that - but unfortunately having done it - doesn't make all those feeling go away.

Sunday - I got up early yet again - I am still not getting a good and full nights sleep.  I just, well did nothing really - until Andy got up - and then we made some food - some very yummy scrambled egg and sausage bagels, and then we got ready and went out for a walk again.  This time we walked further to another area - Longmead - where I used to do a 5km park run.  It was really nice to get out - feel like we were getting some exercise even though we were only walking.  We were out over an hour - walked around 5km, and on the way back bought a butternut squash plant and a sweet pepper plant from somebody who had just left them outside their house with prices on.  This isn't a new thing that this person is doing - I noticed last year that they were selling pumpkins and other things.

When we got home - I video called my mum and we chatted for quite a while - she is doing okay - keeping busy.  She has made some face masks - and because I came back with material to do the same I expect she will nag me until I make some too!  I then went and had a bath....something I have been longing to do for ages.  I ended up just sat there though feeling quite depressed....

We didn't really eat a meal - we snacked on nuts and snacks and sweets....not great.  I need to get a routine going, start cleaning, washing, making proper meals...

Coming Home

We got up Friday morning and started packing straight away - stripping the beds, putting bedding and towels in the wash - bringing our stuff down stairs....getting ready to go back home after just over two weeks.  That feels like a lie - it felt much much longer that we had been away.  What a journey - travelling through the night, then going to the hospital - knowing Dad wasn't going to survive - then experiencing him leaving us - the loss, the emotions, the preparation for the funeral - each day so similar to the one before...and then the funeral.  A period of time that we will never forget.  My, mum and Helen were so close - over the last two weeks - all supporting each other, living through it together.  It was hard to leave.  Even though I couldn't wait to get home it was awful knowing that we were leaving mum on her own for the first time since Dad had died.  She had already told us that she was dreading it but didn't want to get upset because she didn't want us to feel bad - and she managed to be okay (outwardly) right up until I asked her if her spare keys were in the right place, and she couldn't find them.  I got back out of the car - we found them....I got back into the car - and then she burst into tears.  Phew, that was hard...but we had to drive away...

An hour into our drive we called her - but there was no answer.  We tried again about an hour later and she answered sounding much happier - she had been on the phone all that time to various people and I think that helped her loads.  She was back in fairly good spirits.  Before we had left Joanne had called and they had arranged that she go around like she used to on Monday night for tea - we were so pleased about that - a little bit of normality.  They discussed how they thought it was safe due to everybody isolating, but when we spoke to her from the car - Chris had said no - that mum had to isolate for another two weeks as he thought that the officiate and Steve Lawrence had got too close to her at the funeral.  So that was crap.

The journey went quickly as we were talking none stop - and then I was home - it was about 3pm!  A massive hug from Andy felt amazing - he was sweating as he'd been cleaning to get it all nice for me! Nothing like leaving it until the last minute! It was so weird coming into the house - it looked so big! It honestly truly felt like I had been away for months!! I came into the kitchen/living room - thinking - wow - this place is huge!! lol.  None of the cats bothered to turn up and greet me!  We unpacked the car - Helen nipped to the loo - and then she left, on the last leg of her journey.  We hugged when she left and I thought about what we'd been through together and I felt emotional and very grateful to her - for everything we had shared together.  We had been each others support and got each other through it all - we'd cried - and laughed together, talked through so many things...

I didn't really know what to do with myself once Helen had gone - I had quite a few cuddles with Andy - felt emotional about everything...  We went for a walk around the garden - which again made me feel like I'd been gone for ages - it had grown so much!  Then....I had a gin with actual tonic lol - at mums we had run out of tonic and drank gin and coke! Not that we drank much to be honest.  I got changed - threw myself on my massive bed! and just walked around thinking how nice it was to be back.  It was still bitter sweet though - my dad had been alive when I'd left.  I tried to talk to Andy about some of the things we'd experienced but kept getting upset and not being able to talk - so I left it.  Andy had his own struggles - being all on his own, grieving too and obviously just struggling with the idea of this virus tearing the world apart...

We eventually settled down and watched a film - the cats appeared and I got cuddles - and we ordered Chinese....it got to 10pm and I was falling asleep!  I was also looking forward to getting into my own bed...I was in bed before Helen apparently lol - unheard of before all this....

I must of fallen asleep straight away as I only remember laying down and thinking ooohhhh this is nice.  However, the cats did wake me up when they lay against me and then decided it was bath time....

Covid-19 figures and reflection

Here are the figures from the past few days:

Wednesday
Total world cases: 3,207,514-------------------84,681  increase
Total fatalities:  227,198-------------------------10,719 increase
UK total: 165,221------------------------------- 4,076 increase
UK Fatalities: 26,097--------------------------- 4,419 increase (765 today)

Thursday
Total world cases: 3,303,590-------------------96,076 increase
Total fatalities:  233,709-------------------------6,511 increase
UK total: 171,253-------------------------------  6,032 increase
UK Fatalities: 26,771--------------------------- 674 increase

Friday
Total world cases: 3,388,235-------------------  84,645 increase
Total fatalities:  238,935------------------------- 5,226 increase
UK total: 177,454-------------------------------  6,201 increase
UK Fatalities: 27,510--------------------------- 739 increase

So - looking at the figures - the UK are still getting around 700 deaths a day.  We are not seeing a daily decrease - it doesn't really matter whether the government are saying we are still in the peak, or we are over the peak or whatever - it is consistently high when you look at the figures.  Although....before we only had the hospital figures and I'm not sure, but this might now include other figures from care homes.  Either way - so many people are dying of this horrendous virus. 

It still hurts to know that my dad is amongst these fatalities, and I just hope that my family does not suffer any further loses.  I haven't seen anybody else in all my friends on facebook, that have lost somebody to the virus - but obviously 27,510 families around the UK have, and at least a quarter of a million families around the world have too.  The UK remains one of the highest hit countries with only the US and Italy exceeding our losses. 

It is still really difficult to process - despite this having been going on for quite some time now.  Our lock down began on 23rd March and it is now 2nd May - so nearly 6 weeks.  That seems like no time at all in the grand scale of things - but it seems like so much longer than that.  Some people must be really struggling, especially people on their own.  Each person has their own struggle, whether it be coping with isolation, coping with kids and home schooling, trying to get shopping and food...domestic violence is sky high...boredom - and fear, and in some cases grief from losing a loved one  I know a few people who are convinced that they won't survive if they get it, and at the same time we are being told that a vaccine won't be available for at least a year.  It really does feel like the world has we know it has irreversibly changed, actually it is not just a feeling, it really has.  At the moment we can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even once we get a vaccine, the economy is so messed up - so many businesses and livelihoods have been eradicated.  Other things are impossible too - dental treatment, haircuts, eye tests - and more serious things such as cancer treatments being cancelled, and people not going to the doctors or A&E for fear of catching the virus. 

Who would have thought that this would happen?? well....a few people like Bill Gates maybe....but it is all like a bad movie (or a good one if it was all fictional).

Personally - I look back to the day I was driving to work crying, and turned back and came home - only my second day in work and I had a mini break down  - I look back and think, wow, I really did lose it!  I was in such a bad place.  Now, my dad has lost his battle with the virus, I realise that, that was the biggest thing stressing me out, even though I really thought he would be okay.  I suppose there was always the possibility that he wouldn't be okay.  Now, I am in a different place...where my only worries are for the rest of my family, myself....of losing Andy....all of us at this moment in time are healthy but who knows? My daughter Lissa is due a baby in 4 weeks - I was supposed to be there with her and now she can only have her partner there for a limited amount of time and nobody will be able to visit and see her tiny newborn baby and who knows how old the baby will be when we get to see her.  As long as they are all safe I suppose it is not so important but it is relative.  It is only natural for families to come together at times like this and it is painful not being able to do these things.  My son is due twins just weeks afterwards and again - this will be the same I expect, as social distancing is to remain in place for a long time yet!  They are having twins and will have to try and manage with no outside help.  What a mess.

Saying goodbye to my dad....

Today we all woke up extra early - before 7am.  We met as usual around the dining table, and had a brew and we were all anxious - discussing what we needed to do.  I got a shower - and then we were ready to take dogs out and stuff and realised it was only 8am...

We hung around - all of us with different things going around our heads.  I felt fairly unemotional - but full of adrenaline....we had until 12.30pm before the car turned up - all we had to do was get changed, grab the picture of my dad and put out coats on - so there was nothing else to do to prepare.

Mum and Helen went out with the dogs and I made a curry and put it in the slow cooker so food was sorted for later.  I spoke to Andy which was nice and comforting.  I just felt sort of numb - no crying, it was weird.

When they got back - I'd finished and Helen said - lets just go watch TV - but we started talking about wearing masks in public and maybe making them - and then we ended up looking up patterns and printing out instructions - and finding material to take home so we could make them....that distracted us for a while.  At 11.30am we started to get changed and ready - and before we knew it, it was 12.15 and family members were turning up outside.  I went out and was chatting to Bev and Jo - at a distance....and other people were in the street and opposite - some dressed in black - obviously there to see Dad off.  It was weird.  Then I saw the car approach with the funeral director walking ahead of the car carrying a long cane...and I got upset.  I'd been dreading that sight.  It was weird because I felt that everybody was watching us...the neighbours and others that had turned up.  We all got upset at this point - because our dad was in there...

There was some discussion about the route - and then we got in the car, Helen driving me and mum - and Joanne and Chris, Bev and George, Andrew and Antony followed.  We could see the people lining the road....we drove very slowly all the way there - it was a part of the day I had given no consideration to...we drove to the top of mums road and turned right - and more people there....people on their doorsteps had obviously been waiting to see us go past - in black.  We got to where my dad worked (where they had put a sign in the window - we saw yesterday) and quite a number of people were stood there too...it was very emotional.  I was so proud of dad - look at all these people who thought so much of you!!  The nice weather had gone really and it was a bit rainy, which felt appropriate.

We got there - and my Dads best friend Steve Lawrence was there - was good to see him.  We all waited outside for a little while - the funeral director was speaking to Mum - commenting on the amount of people lining the streets.  The Officiate who was speaking at the funeral - taking the service - introduced himself - he had communicated with Helen and it was he, who Helen had sent the eulogy to. He had realised that he also knew my dad! Typical! He knew everybody!!

Everybody there was upset that we had to stay apart - couldn't hug each other...  Then they got Dad out of the car and we followed him/them in, I don't think I watched that - didn't want to see the...coffin - god I hate that word!!   I tried my best to not even think of the fact that he was inside - just blocked that out really.  As we went in they played the Bet Middler song - Wind beneath my Wings - the main chorus is - Did you ever know that your my hero....that got me crying!!  I knew we were all thinking that he was indeed our hero! I just covered my face and didn't look at anybody else.  The place was pretty empty and alternate benches were taped off to keep people apart....me and Helen sat either side of mum at the front - which was good because I couldn't see other people getting upset which would have upset me more, at one point we both held mums hand and it felt good to be able to support her through it because she was struggling.

Then the officiate started talking...pretty soon he read out Helen's eulogy which she had put together using bits and pieces we had all mentioned to her - little things about the kind of person he was and memories.  Some of this made people laugh instead of cry and it was really lovely.  I just listened and thought about that and not about...well....the tragedy of it all.  Then Steve got up and spoke - he said some lovely things and also made us laugh - mostly about how my dad failed in learning french, and how he managed on their rugby trips to France - but always manage to be understood.   Steve broke down at the end and that was upsetting.  I was so grateful to him for getting up and saying such nice things - even though he was obviously heart broken.  My brother Andrew got up next and he also made people laugh a little - the french things were mentioned again!  It was obvious that Andrew struggled a little emotionally to get through it, but bless him, he did it and I was so proud of him - my dad would have been very proud too.  It wasn't as heart breaking and as sad as I thought it would be because the focus was on Dads sense of humour and our memories which were mainly of fun things - not all doom and gloom and sad hymns.  A poem was read out that Bev had suggested - that was upsetting...

After the poem they played the song my dad wanted at the funeral - Always Look on the Bright Side of Life...a comedy song.  It made me smile - and I just looked down and listened - and I missed the curtain close so we could no longer see Dad which is probably a good thing - his photo (above) was on the...coffin - god never realised that word is so awful!!!

Then we left - staying apart which is so damn unnatural at a funeral!  We were given the flowers from the top of his....from in the car!! and we got the photo back - and we all stood around chatting a little about the absurdity of not being able to physically comfort each other - and then we went off to find my grandparents gravestone - my dads parents - to put the flowers on.  We found it - quite far away - and discussed how WRONG it was that they both outlived him - when dad was so much healthier, and fitter, and more active than they were.  My grandad died just before his 80th and my nan died at 84.  They were also amazing lovely people.  This coronavirus robbed us of him and it feels so unfair.  We all took one of the red roses from the flowers...and eventually said our goodbyes...for now.

We made our way back to the car - I was chatting to Andrew - the others went the opposite way as they had driven down to our grandparents graveside...and then we came home.

All over so quickly.  I was not the emotional mess I thought I was going to be - and I don't know why really...

When we got back I thought - sod it - and I got my dads whiskey and poured a glass - Mum and Helen then joined me with a brandy - and we raised a glass to my Dad.  I had a few more of these and felt quite squiffy!  We spent some time replying to messages on our phones and I messaged Andy - Helen spoke to Paul - we discussed how it had all gone....

Later we ate - and then plonked ourselves in front of the TV and watched the last of series 2 of the Money Heist.  Again, it was just a distraction for us all - I just wanted the time to go - and get to bed - have this day over with.  When it got to bed time Mum was quite quiet and sad and I know she is dreading us leaving tomorrow.  The house will be so quiet and I am worried about her, it will probably hit her properly when we have gone because she has not been alone since the day before he died....

I don't need to say it all again, but I am going to anyway...I'm going to miss my dad so much! Its not fair what happened to him...he tried so hard to fight it, and he should have won that fight because its so wrong, so wrong!! I'm so sorry Dad!!  It must have been awful and scary - and I'm so so sorry.  I love you so much xxxxx

The day before the funeral...

Tuesday
Total world cases: 3,122,833-------------------64,774  increase
Total fatalities:  216,479-------------------------5,171 increase
UK total: 161,145------------------------------- 3,996 increase
UK Fatalities: 21,678--------------------------- 586 increase

Wednesday
Total world cases: 3,207,514-------------------84,681  increase
Total fatalities:  227,198-------------------------10,719 increase
UK total: 165,221------------------------------- 4,076 increase
UK Fatalities: 26,097--------------------------- 4,419 increase (765 today)

Our figures are showing VERY high today because they have decided to add in the care home deaths - so we have had a big jump, but more realistic figures.  I don't think other countries are doing this - so worldwide figures are way too low - unfortunately.  Our daily figure is 765 so the drop only lasted a couple of days.  Apparently the UK has the highest number of UK deaths in Europe, with Italty being the worst hit - and we are third highest in the world with the US being the highest - they are also a LOT bigger than us - so the UK has really suffered a lot.

In the news Dominic Raab warned the UK was at a "dangerous moment", saying that the peak of the virus had not passed.

In other news Boris Johnson and his fiancee had a baby boy, and it is reported that president Trump 'erupted' at his campaign manager because he is falling in the polls after his stupid comments about injecting disinfectant! What a tool....

Today hasn't been great to be honest.  Feeling down and emotional.  Struggled to get through the day - thinking about tomorrow and feeling anxious and nervous.  I tried to keep busy - I went with Mum to walk the dogs and then Helen went out with mum to get her to put petrol in the car herself as Dad normally does it and mum was stressing about it.  Helen also got her to drive to Joanne's, as she gets nervous driving places.  Apparently they had a bit of a chat through the window.  They also drove past the shop where my dad worked and saw a sign in the window....

I was so touched about this - I messaged Gordon and thanked him on behalf of all of us.  Although I knew my dad was greatly loved by a lot of people - I am still surprised about the amount of people that have done so many nice things and tributes.  My mum got a really nice letter of condolence from some Rugby League organisation - possibly the paper....apparently a well respected and well known figure in rugby league....

Anyway, when they got back home Helen and Mum bathed the dogs and I was vacuumed my mums car out - it was one of the jobs she wanted to get done.  We wrote a list of stuff we need to remember to take when we leave on Friday because our stuff is scattered around the house as we have been living here for two weeks now.  Then we ran out of things to do - so we watched Money Heist in the afternoon.  We then had tea - and then we sat around the table getting sad and upset again talking about my dad.  We realised that we do this often....always after tea around the table.  Me and Helen also realised that when mum goes off to do things - like have a shower - we always end up talking - more openly and get upset - then have to look busy and change the subject when she comes back.  It is so good having Helen here - we can be really honest about the emotions and feeling we have, whilst it is more difficult with mum because we don't want to upset her.

So after tea we watched Money Heist again!  It really felt that we were just trying to kill time before we could get to bed - and wake up - knowing it is time for the funeral.  Something we all know is going to be extremely hard.  We are all anxious about it and dreading it.  I really don't know how I am going to keep it together - I know I don't have to....I just don't want to get in a real massive state and not be able to control myself.

So, I'm going to get to sleep - and face saying goodbye to Dad tomorrow....

Back in my bunk bed

Monday
Total world cases: 3,058,059-------------------71,349  increase
Total fatalities:  211,308-------------------------4,685 increase
UK total: 157,149------------------------------- 4,309 increase
UK Fatalities: 21,092--------------------------- 360 increase

Tuesday
Total world cases: 3,122,833-------------------64,774  increase
Total fatalities:  216,479-------------------------5,171 increase
UK total: 161,145------------------------------- 3,996 increase
UK Fatalities: 21,678--------------------------- 586 increase

The numbers seem high again today.  That sucks ass!  In the news - there was a minutes silence today for the 100 key workers that have died.  How bad is that - end up dying because you were helping the sick.  There are lots of sad stories - today two brothers died on the same day, twins died days apart...just people dying and suffering and families grieving, day after day and all over the entire globe. 

Care homes are also in the news - apparently care home deaths account for a third of the coronavirus deaths.  There have been 3,096 according to one news report - which is not a third - so not sure why these reports are conflicting but there is no doubt that lots of care homes are having huge problems.

Germany who have kept their numbers low have seen an increase since allowing small businesses to re-open.  That's scary because an attempt at a little normality has led to more people dying.  Hope we don't do this too soon.

Anyway - today was mostly the same again - I didn't go for the dog walk - I cleaned the bathroom and chatted to Andy instead.  Then I did what I have been putting off and went into the garage to sort out my dads tools - I'm taking lots of things so they don't get thrown away at a later date, and because last time I visited my dad was trying to give away some of his tools to me, so I know he would want me to have them (as I do lots of DIY).  It was hard though, and felt wrong taking his things...he has been a joiner all of his life so his tools were a big part of what he did.  Last time I went into the garage and looked at the tools, and saw the window frame he made me I totally lost it - which is why I have been putting it off.  This time I just got on with the job and tried not to be sentimental. I have plenty of time for that when I get home.

Hilda, my mum and dads friend from dancing came around to see my mum - they were chatting - from a distance - outside the garage where I was and I really did not want to meet her or see her.  It is very likely that it was her that passed the virus to them.  Apparently she was going to cancel dancing (she runs it) just before the lock down, and my mum said she was over-reacting - so it went ahead and my mum and dad spent time with her.  The next day she informed them that she was ill and probably had the virus, then my mum came down with it - then my dad.....

My mum, however, said 'Sam, come and meet Hilda' and I had to be polite and say hello (part of being British) I know I am maybe being unreasonable because, they didn't understand the full extent and danger of the virus, nor did Hilda know that she was ill - but it just makes me think - if only they hadn't gone, if only they had been more fearful and careful.  I suppose there is no turning back time...

After my mums soup and dumplings - which me and Helen love - we sat in the living room for a while and then I went back to bed for an hour.  I was just bored and tired today...

After tea - I retreated to my little room and got online with Andy, Connor & Emily, Adam & Erika and Lissa & Antony - and Connor & Emily hosted a quiz!  It was great to get together with everybody and see all of their faces!!  I was rather worried about the quiz - as I was on my own and not with Andy, and I am awful at general knowledge, I didn't want to embarrass myself!  As it happens I won hahah I just got lucky really!  Connor and Emily did a great job preparing and delivering the quiz! (thank you if you are reading this!) and we plan on taking turns hosting the quiz!

I had a few nice messages from Emily today - I never know what to say though when people are sympathetic to my situation - I don't want to reply and say - yeah its all crap, and I don't want to say - don't worry its all good - because is it isn't!  She told me that she was reading my blog, so hopefully she'll understand!  Anybody reading this will probably have the best insight into the situation although I never know if I express myself well or not.  I'm obviously not a very good or eloquent writer, but that is not what this is all about.  To be honest I wish other people I know would write a blog - because I'd love to see in more detail what they are up to and how they are coping and what they think and feel.

So - tomorrow is the day before the funeral, and I think we are all going to be very aware of it, but we have nothing to prepare or do - we are not having any kind of get together afterwards and there will be just 10 of us there.  If I'm very honest - I am absolutely dreading seeing the coffin - I find it hard to even say/type/think about that word because it should not be something I associate with my dad.  Last time at a funeral, I was horrified at the end when the coffin went rolling out through the curtain - and you knew what was going to happen.  It seems unbearable that I'll have to see that - knowing it is my dad, my wonderful dad who doesn't deserve to be there and shouldn't be there, and is only there because of this stupid, annoying, cruel damn virus.  Well, that was morbid and depressing....

I need to get to sleep...

what we actually do during the day....

Sunday
Total world cases: 2,986,710-------------------77,096  increase
Total fatalities:  206,623-------------------------3,821 increase
UK total: 152,840-------------------------------4,463 increase
UK Fatalities: 20,732--------------------------- 413 increase

Monday
Total world cases: 3,058,059-------------------71,349  increase
Total fatalities:  211,308-------------------------4,685 increase
UK total: 157,149------------------------------- 4,309 increase
UK Fatalities: 21,092--------------------------- 360 increase

So - a definite decline in cases for the UK! Boris Johnson was back today and made a speech outside No 10...he looked tired, but okay.  At the moment there is acknowledgement that we are slowing the death rate and rate of infection but that this is going to continue for some time.  In other news Bill Gates, who about 4 years ago predicted that the next threat to humans would be a viral pandemic, stated that a vaccine might be available in a year - possibly two years and President Trump did not do his daily meet with the press again - probably because his advisers and telling him to stay away because he is such an idiot!

Anyway.........

Today, as usual I was woken up by movement, chatting and the dogs and came downstairs, to find Helen on her laptop and mum in the conservatory doing something work related on her laptop.  I decided to make a proper coffee on the hob, there was a plastic bin with dog biscuits on the hob and when I moved it there was a spider underneath....I thought it had been put there to trap the spider, but no....it just happened to be there - I put the bin back on top of it - but managed to squash it accidentally.

Last night in the evening, mum went into the kitchen to get something and shouted out - saying somebody needs to come and get this spider!!  I thought - well, not me! and Helen said - I'm not!!  So I had to step up and catch and release that one - something I'd normally get Andy to do!  So that's my new job now....

So - I made a coffee on the hob and it was horrible - so chucked it away.  Looking forward to getting back to my expensive coffee maker at home!  Whilst I was doing this Helen was typing things for the eulogy and asked me about the can of lemonade that me and dad passed between us.  What she was referring to was this: when the twins were babies, I used to go with my mum and dad to Salford precinct every Wednesday afternoon, and we would go to specific places for specific things - like eggs in the indoor market, weigh-and-save (which I don't think exists anymore) for my mums cake mix or whatever she bought - I didn't really need anything, I'd go for the company and to get out of the house with the kids.  We'd normally get lunch too.  On this particular day - when we got back to the car I discovered that Dad had stuck his rubbish in the hood of my buggy - this included a small empty lemonade can.  So I tried to give it back to him but he was laughing and refused to take it.  I think I managed to get it into his car - but he managed to get it back into mine! lol.  In the end I packed everything up - and when ready to go - threw it in his car, ran back to mine and drove off laughing.  I got to the exit and and had to stop to give way to traffic and he came running up and stuck it on the top of my car aerial and then HE ran off laughing.  So - later that evening, I drove around to their house - ran in - found them in the living room watching TV - so I quickly put it down on the table in front of them and ran as fast as I could out of the house and sped off!  This continued for years - it has been posted, wrapped up for Christmas, placed underneath pillows, all sorts (I wish I could remember all of the instances) There could be a year or more between exchange of this can, but it was never forgotten and would always reappear.  It wasn't long ago that I thought of this can - I think I still have possession of it - but I'm not sure where it is.  So after about 25 years - my Dad won!

The above story just illustrates his sense of fun - and MY sense of fun - which he instilled in me.  It has made me smile remembering this - and it might even make an appearance in his eulogy.

Another thing we have laughed about this week is his love of rugby and how he ended up with four daughters and no sons (until a few years later)  I was the closest he got to a boy so he tried to get me into it, but I had no love of the game really and didn't really understand it.  I know we ended up being put into a summer club thing - which was supposed to be for the rugby lads... and I used to go and watch him referee, but everybody knew I only went for the pie and peas afterwards! LOL.  He once got me to be the touch judge and run up and down the line - but I didn't have clue what I was doing!  I remember owning rugby boots too....and him teaching us how to throw and catch a rugby ball (in the living room!).  So, one day I was going with him to watch the under 12's final in a big stadium (possibly Salford's ground), it was a fairly big event.  One of the teams was a player short so he MADE me do it!!  I hadn't got a clue what to do - but he said - don't worry - we'll stick you at the back, you won't have to do anything.  So, I stood at the back feeling extremely awkward, and then one of the players on the other team made a break for it with the ball and there was only me left to stop him or he would score! With the crowd all cheering for him, I manage to intercept him - but I didn't know how to tackle!! I grabbed his shirt and spun him around until he fell on the floor! lol.  I stopped him scoring though!!  I can't remember if the team I was playing on won or not - but I suppose they wouldn't have been able to play at all if I had not stepped in.  I got a medal for this too as it was the final!  This was not something I would have done at all, but dad made me really!

So today Helen was working on the eulogy and we were trying to figure out when dad had cut his hair - he used to have a comb over - but saw himself on TV (he was a touch judge on a rugby match) and on TV the wind was blowing his comb over and it was sticking up!  He cut it off after he saw that.  Mum said she had DVD's of him playing rugby so me and Helen were watching them to try and figure out when it was exactly that he had seen the footage leading to his haircut.  We didn't find the right one but it was awesome seeing dad as a touch judge and this then led to us watching Bev's wedding - and Dads speech - and his famous joke about pizza's!  My kids are on it too - and me and Andy - all looking very young - it was from 1999, so me and Andy would both have been 28 years old.  Was lovely seeing dad though....

After we watched this - Helen asked me to read through the eulogy to check it through - and it was so good - she has done such a good job, and obviously it made me cry again - which in turn gave me another headache.

Helen then went off to bed to try and get rid of her migraine, and me and mum went out with the dogs.  When we got back we had some lunch, and mum went off to do some work from home - and I watched another old DVD - this time it was the joint party my mum, dad and nan had - aged 50, 60 and 70 years old.  The DVD though was just the band - which was Andy and Paul! So that was awesome to watch - Helen got up feeling okay in the middle of this viewing!

Then we watched TV whilst crocheting (I know - saddo) but I finished the rainbow:

Crochet rainbow

We then had tea - and afterwards we sat around the table chatting - this inevitably ended up talking about dad and how we hoped he didn't suffer too much and hoped he wasn't scared at the end and the three of us ended up in tears...we had to try and shake it off and carry on...

We sat down to watch Money Heist which we have all become quite addicted to.  Coco, one of my mums dogs is adorable and she keeps running off with our socks or Helen's slippers....she managed to get a slipper again...

She growls when you try and take it off her! But she doesn't bite you or anything - well, not yet anyway!  She is such a sweety!

We had a nice evening together and then got to bed.  We came upstairs and I went to the loo - making note of Helen's door being slightly open and thinking - she is going to try and get me back after last night (me jumping out on her)....so I came out of the bathroom and thought - I am going to see if Helen is in her room before I go into mine - and she wasn't there! ha! So I came in my room - saying You're busted Helen - and I found her laying on the floor on the far side of my bed!  She would have frightened the life out of me if I had got in bed then she suddenly jumped out!  However, it was the place I would have chosen too - so I would have checked there anyway!