Friday 8 May 2020

Not a great day....

Wednesday

Total world cases: 3,807,554-------------------  97,109 increase

Total fatalities:  264,006-------------------------7,012 increase

UK total: 201,101-------------------------------  6,111 increase

UK Fatalities: 30,076--------------------------- 649 increase


Thursday

Total world cases: 3,909,187-------------------101,633 increase

Total fatalities:  270,249-------------------------6,243 increase

UK total: 206,715-------------------------------  5,614 increase

UK Fatalities: 30,615--------------------------- 539 increase


What can I say that I haven't already said? Its crap - ppl are still dying.....The majority of Thursday's papers were focused on the prospect of some possible changes to the lockdown.


"Happy Monday" is the celebratory headline in the Sun, as it reports on a likely "easing of lockdown restrictions".  The Daily Mail proclaims "Hurrah! Lockdown freedom beckons", while the Daily Express goes for: "First steps to freedom".  The Daily Star's headline describes 11 May as "magic Monday".  There is a lot of speculation about what measures are likely to be relaxed and when. The Guardian suggests that straight away people will be allowed to sunbathe, have picnics and go rambling.


I think all of the above is just stupid!!  I don't think Monday will bring any big changes to the lock down - and if there is then it is a big mistake.  The government already set lock down rules too late, surely they won't make the same mistake again - and let everybody out again too early.  I reckon any relaxation of the rules will be minor...we'll have to see won't we!


Our gardeners came yesterday - so I went out to have a quick chat (at a distance obviously) and Chloe asked how my new job was going - so I told her about only going in for one day, and then the next day I started to drive in, and turned around and came back because I just couldn't handle it - I told her how my dad caught the coronavirus - and said he didn't make it (I was really trying to hold back the tears) and then she started crying! which set me off!!  We discussed how crap it all is - she asked how old my dad was and that really gets to me.  People might hear 79 years old and think....well....he was old then.  But it wasn't like that - he was still working, still capable and still had years left!!  


Lissa also caught up with her own blog https://lilbeetroot.blogspot.com/  and she spoke about her grandad (my dad) being lost to the coronavirus - and it really made me cry.  Reading from her perspective - it was just really sad.  The fact that she is writing her blog again though, is a good thing!  She is due her baby in less than 3 weeks now! As I've said before - I was supposed to be there with them for the birth, and I felt privileged and excited, nervous - but it would have been so special to witness....but the coronavirus put an end to all that - even her partner Antony will be restricted in how long he will be able to spend with her and the baby...


I also spoke to Helen who said that she had spoken to a psychiatrist (a colleague - as she is a Dr of psychology) and she said... our brains haven’t processed it apparently.  Due to being unexpected, shocking, highly emotional... it’s not ‘processed’ in the way normal memories are.  So my colleague reminded me...Hence they keep coming back, advice is to not push them away but to talk about them.  So - me and Andy sat in the garden and I spoke about that last day in the hospital - getting all upset all over again - and then I just felt totally depressed - and so did Andy - who was very good and patient and just listened.  It didn't feel like it did any good yesterday - but today I feel better about it.  


So all-in-all yesterday was not a good day.  The only good thing was that - I got an email from my boss - who said not to come in this weekend - to leave it until Wednesday.  Phew.  A few more days - because I am dreading it.  I'll be in Wed/Thur/Fri - and then the Saturday is my birthday.  Not something I am looking forward to - because we can't go out or do anything, we don't really want to spend money because our future is uncertain - and I'm going to be 49!  My last year in my forties!  How did I get this old? Helen always reminds me that some people are not lucky enough to make it until 49 or 50....so there is that....  Each year, the weather on my birthday is usually really nice - my Dad always said to me that the sun always comes out on my birthday and I was born in a heatwave...he'd call me and say - see the weather is always good!!  So I'll miss that phone call....unless it rains lol.