19 Sept 2020

 

19 Sept 2020

So, I know I haven’t been too happy in some of my last posts.  Nothing has changed lol.  That’s not true to be honest – I have been trying to get myself into a better place.  I have started working on the house again on my days off work, and that makes me feel a bit more productive. 

Me and Andy have been doing the Keto diet for about 8 weeks – and I lost 1 stone – until we had a weekend off and I put 4 lb on in 2 days! 

I applied for a job with the fraud team, which would mean I enjoy the work more, won’t get sent out at the drop of a hat when a case comes in, no shift work and mostly working from home – and I got the job!!  Have to wait a couple of months though because it is a new team and they are recruiting a new supervisor – but it can’t come soon enough!!

Andy still has not found a new job – he is still working (or not really working) his notice period, but it is very worrying and we both try not to let it get to us – but it does sometimes! 

Since I last wrote on here, Andy has had his 50^th Birthday!  I got him a Steve Vai guitar and other bits and bobs.  We did an Escape Room with Helen and Paul which was really good fun and we escaped in 52 minutes! Lol.  We went for a meal in Exeter – we went to the Cozy Club – and I had AN AWESOME burger – with actual bread! Lol.  This was the weekend that we both broke the keto diet (and I put on 4lb and Andy put on 7lb). 

When we got back home Adam, Erika and the twins had just arrived, Connor followed and Lissa came the next day (on the Saturday).  We were supposed to take it easy on the Friday night – because more of a party was planned for the Saturday – but we still drank too much and went to bed late! 

Saturday – Lissa turned up – and we put some 50^th decorations on the walls – the kids had got him £30 worth of scratch cards for his birthday and he won £47 lol.  Would have preferred £300,000!!  Helen, Paul, Eloise and Zack also came – and we all had a really good time!  Played pool, and a drinking game Paul and Zack had put together – bit difficult to remember now what was so fun about it cos I don’t remember the details, but I remember laughing a lot!

The next day, on the Sunday, Lissa and Connor had to leave, and Adam (and fam) stayed another night.  We all had a pretty lazy day and I was knackered! I went for an afternoon kip cos I really wanted to be able to stay up for the NFL – it was the first games for our teams! We continued our non-keto eating and had amazing nachos and cheese sauce!!  Both of our teams won!! Yay!!

 

27 July 2020

 

27^th July 2020

 

It has been so long since I have written in this blog, and I was doing so well too!  But – I suppose life got in the way because I have been working and the annex is back up and running.

 

I suppose the biggest thing that has happened since I last wrote is that Adam had his twin boys!  Erika had a section – so we knew when they were going to be born – and it was on 29 June – almost a month ago now – actually I believe that they were 4 weeks old today!  They are adorable!!  Rory and Rudy – Rory was 6lb 1oz (I think) and Rudy was 4lb 8oz.  I went to see them and Helen came with me when they were two weeks old, they were so unbelievably tiny and so cute!!!

 

I went to see Lissa, Antony and little Ada before I went to see Adam.  So that was awesome – having seen lots of pictures of Ada but not having seen her in the flesh – which just seems so wrong – but the virus is still very much about….

 

Lissa & Adam had got together before this and had taken pictures of their babies together.  Ada was in the middle and the twins were either side of her – and I couldn’t believe how big Ada was compared to the twins – it made her look like a toddler.  Adam got one printed out and sent me a copy in a frame which is awesome and is now on my wall.  When I saw Ada I was shocked at how small she was – she looked really big in the photo but still a tiny baby in reality – when I saw how small Ada actually was I thought omg how small will the twins be??  So, me and Helen spent the day with Lissa which was so good – to be able to chat with her and see her in the flesh rather than via video chat – and to see how happy she was with her gorgeous little girl!!  It was funny because she kept commenting about how alike me and Helen are – and I would have to agree in many things!  Me and Helen had a nice long chat on the journey – about something or nothing – it’s easy and we laugh at the same things, and we got much closer (if that is possible) when we spent all that time in Manchester together and went through the trauma of losing dad together.

 

Anyway – I thought it was really nice that Helen was with me, and she gets to see the babies and my kids too.

 

So after spending the day with Lissa we then headed over to Adams house and I walked in and OMG – the baby in his arms was so unbelievably small – I assumed it must be Rudy the smaller one – but it was Rory – Rudy was even smaller than that!!

 

I fell in love with all of the babies basically!  I could easily have brought any of them home with me (only one though!)

Another thing that was good about visiting Lissa and Adam was to see the work that they have both done on their houses – they have done such good jobs getting their house into really good condition.  New bathrooms and kitchens galore! Lol.  Both doing really well!

 

So – me and Helen spent the night at Adams and left to come home just after lunch time.  It had been a really awesome weekend catching up with everybody and seeing all the amazing babies!!

 

I then felt bad about Connor – about not having seen him for ages – and all the family chat just being about babies and stuff so I messaged him and they arranged to come to us the following weekend!  Then there were discussions about when Adam and Lissa might be able to come and visit – anyway to cut a long story short – they all came the following weekend!  It was so awesome!!  Having everybody come to us with all the babies too!!  It was just so lovely having all the family together – we had such a laugh and I enjoyed every minute of it!! 

 

We got lucky with the weather on the second day and the sun came out enough for us to have a BBQ – so we were all in the garden – I set my camera up to take 10 pics – we all stand there and be sensible for the first 1 or 2 pictures – then we get sill and mess about!  These always end up the best pics and I have managed to get one printed out – it turned up this morning and is now on the wall!!

 

13 August 2020

 

13 August 2020

 

So – it has been a while again.  I was going to suggest that I only write my blog if I am in a good mood but that’s not true because I wrote the blog all through losing my dad which is one of the hardest times of my life.  I think the lack of writing is time.  Actually that is not right either because I have lots of time where I just sit on my computer and browse or play – but for some reason I don’t make the time to write.  Maybe it is because I have nothing to say – nothing good, nothing to report….it is just same old same old. 

Andy pointed out to me the other day that I am just completely miserable all the time.  I know I feel miserable most of the time – but I didn’t think I came across like that lol.  I am miserable because I can’t seem to adjust to working full time.  I feel like I have had my life stolen.  When I am not in work, I am not off work long enough to think – right! I’ll work on this project or get on with that.  All I can think is – wow, I am supposed to be grateful for getting two whole days off, and it being so short, all I can seem to do is dread my two days being over and before I know it – I’m back at work again.

It is not like I don’t like the job – I do, as far as being employed by somebody else goes…I like getting paid! BUT I’d much rather be working for myself….either on the house or in property development.  I’m trying to figure something out so I can make it so!  In the meantime, I am apparently completely miserable lol.

I had a couple of crap incidents at work in the last couple of days too.  I had a very embarrassing lady moment incident in custody which I won’t go into detail about here! But I ended up driving home and crying on the phone to Andy.  Then yesterday I had to go to a different station and even though the weather has been unbelievably hot (because I am at work) it did rain – I went outside looking for somebody in the carpark to pass on a message, failed to find them but got wet in the rain, came back in, slipped on the floor and ended up sprawled all over the floor – initially thinking I’d broken my knee.  Luckily nobody saw this – but god I was annoyed and upset.  Just thinking THIS IS ALL CRAP! I have to drag myself off the floor and carry on working (way later than I should have been – this was at about midnight and I was supposed to have finished at 11pm) and I want my old life back where I didn’t HAVE to be anywhere and planned my own days and activities and LOVED LIFE (strop, strop, STROP!!!)

So getting things back into perspective, Andy is going to be jobless soon, so I am doing the right thing by working.  I have a good job, it’s what I used to do and the team are great, I have a great boss…blah, blah, blah……

Because this is effecting my mood, I am not doing other stuff – I’m not exercising with Lissa (or at all) although it is like 35 degrees most days lately (unless it is my day off as mentioned earlier!), and I am not keeping in touch with the kids or anybody really, I am not doing any work on the house….I am slobbing about doing nothing – Andy has been doing all the cooking or I just don’t eat cos I can’t be bothered.  I feel bad – I feel guilty.  Poor Andy.  He has all his own problems and he must just look at me and feel even worse.  I don’t know what to do – I don’t know how to pull myself out of it.  Andy keeps trying to talk to me to get me to see things differently, and it can help…in the short term.  Then I just get fed up again about all the things I want to do and cant, won’t or whatever!

AArrgghhhhhh

I should just mention that there are still many things in my life I am very grateful for, and I realise that I am extremely lucky to have the things that I have, and the people that I have.