Coronavirus Peak

Tuesday
Total world cases: 2,556,487------------------- 79,913 increase
Total fatalities:  177,232-------------------------6,663 increase
UK total: 129,044-------------------------------4,301 increase
UK Fatalities: 17,337--------------------------- 828 increase

Wednesday
Total world cases: 2,633,232------------------- 76,745 increase
Total fatalities:  183,825-------------------------6,593 increase
UK total: 133,495-------------------------------4,451 increase
UK Fatalities: 18,100--------------------------- 763 increase

The death rate in the UK is still high - with total fatalities at 183,825 - and these are probably just a fraction in reality.  I bet we'll actually lose over a million worldwide, if we haven't already.

The news today says that the UK will have socially disruptive measures in place at least until the end of the year, and that we are only going to see the end of this when we get a vaccine, or medication which stops people from dying.  It is going to be such a long time until we see some kind of normality.  Even then, so many things will have changed and never go back to how they were.  I have no idea what, or how the world will look - but I'm guessing that many things will have changed for the worst and some things for the better - who knows?  We just need to get to a safe place and worry about the rest of it later.

Will we keep our jobs? Will we still have our house? Will we even have our gorgeous puddy cats - as two domestic cats have now tested positive for the virus in New York - they have respiratory symptoms - and the news was asking people not to abandon their pets! I bet people will and that's just awful!

Anyway....another day of ups and downs....I was up before Helen today which is unusual - even though we are all up around the same time.  She was awake - but struggling.  She came down upset - and continued to be upset for a while.  Today was a week since our dad died.  This was marked by the fact that we could open the bag of my dads few possessions that he had at the hospital - as well as the hand prints that they did.  This was something we all found a bit weird.  They asked if we wanted a lock of hair - but he didn't really have any!  I guess that this is something the hospitals started to do when family members could not be there with their loved ones at all during their illness, and very limited amount of time at the end.  We agreed to the hand prints because we didn't want to regret it if we said no.  So we opened and saw the hand prints and it was weird, and emotional for all of us.  I kept thinking of the state he was in when they took them.. I assume it was when he was unconscious at the end - so looking at the hand prints was kinda awful.

Helen couldn't really control her emotions - so I suggested she went back upstairs and had a proper good cry, which has been a little difficult really and we keep trying to pull ourselves together instead of completely letting go (like I did after my conversation with the florist the other day).  Helen disappeared for a while - and I started to do a financial spreadsheet for my mum so she could see exactly what she has coming in and going out - and thank god she didn't end up in negative figures, so she was reassured that she'd cope financially.

Me and mum went out with the dogs as usual - and on our return had some lunch at a table outside because the weather is so nice.  After this Mum realised that she'd lost the bracelet that she got as a retirement present - we searched and even went back to the park, where a weirdo on a 3 wheeled moped thing was playing reggae music stupidly loud - he had stereo speakers attached, it was quite unsettling when he started to look with us too - but a nice gesture I suppose.  Unfortunately we never found it.

I saw that my Dad was in the Manchester Evening News today - his photo was alongside lots of other people that had died of the coronavirus - one of my siblings must have sent in the info because it said something about each of the people - to let people see that these are not just number - they are actual people.  I had mixed feelings when I saw it - seeing him alongside all the others - like you see when there has been a terrorist attack or other disaster.  I didn't want to see him there!!! I want him to be fine and safe and at home!

We all went and sat down and Mum started to talk about how she was dreading me and Helen leaving and was worried about getting really upset when we do because she didn't want us to feel bad - and this turned into a conversation about her having to live without my dad and she got really upset.  It was awful because there is nothing we can do or say to change the reality of that.  Her whole life has been irreversibly changed forever.  She has lost her companion and is going to have to face everything she does without him.  It was honestly awful and I cannot imagine how hard that must be.  We just tried to tell her that she will get through it, it will get easier and that we'll always be there for her...very difficult conversation and very difficult see her cry and feel so lost.

The rest of the day was pretty much the same as every other, although I did video message Andy and we chatted for about an hour and a half he walked around the garden and was showing me the cats and house - and everything else I am missing.  He is very lonely and feeling very down, and has nobody for company, I feel really bad for him but there is nothing we can do other than try and offer some emotional support we can for each other. 

Anyway we had tea - started watching a series called The Heist - which was good so very much distracted us from dwelling on negative thoughts!

When I came to bed Helen messaged me asking if I was okay and we discussed how hard the conversation had been with mum, and how hard it will be to leave, knowing other people can't visit - other than to speak to her over the garden fence at a distance.

Screwed up cruel world right now, with no end in sight. I'd like to say it couldn't get much worse - but it really could - something I cannot dwell on or I'd never sleep at night - its difficult enough as it is.