Feeling generally low....

Hi again,

The figures today:

Friday                                                             (figures since Tuesday)
Total world cases: 2,229,339------------------- 254,334 increase
Total fatalities:  151,167-------------------------26,375 increase
UK total: 108,692-------------------------------14,819 increase
UK Fatalities: 14,576--------------------------- 2,469 increase

Saturday
Total world cases: 2,272,445------------------- 43,106 increase
Total fatalities:  159,116-------------------------7,949 increase
UK total: 114,217-------------------------------5,525 increase
UK Fatalities: 15,464--------------------------- 888 increase

Nearly 8,000 deaths around the world and 888 in the UK.  Its so sad and depressing - still feels unreal - hard to believe it is happening.  I say this everyday...or similar, but still....its so hard to accept this is happening.

Today has not been a good day again....in addition to just randomly getting reminded of the loss of dad and bursting into tears, I have felt like a numbness and depressed.  No motivation, just feeling crap to be honest.

We are all up at 7.30am everyday - once one person is up and the dogs are active it is impossible to sleep - the house is small with thin walls.  I am not used to that in our mansion!  I'm not used to going to bed as early as them - tonight Andy texted me - about 10.20pm asking how I was - I said we are all tired and I looked over to Mum and Helen and they were both fast asleep!

So once we are up - we all have a cup of tea (I miss my expensive coffee maker!) then we potter...maybe have some things to chase up regarding funeral or paperwork.  Then I go out with my mum with the dogs....then we'll get lunch - and today Mum and Helen suggested I crochet something for my kids babies - but I'm not experienced at that and wasn't exactly in the mood - its something that they have more in common.  I ended up fretting about work and checking my emails and replying to things I should have replied to...emailed my boss about self isolating etc.

Eventually we went and sat down - nothing to watch on TV - I'm in an uncomfortable chair - I miss my computer cos this laptop is not very good.  I tried to crochet because I was trying to join in - but I messed it up and couldn't be bothered.  Then me and mum have a massive dilemma about food because we dislike most things the other one likes.  We eventually agreed and I cooked tea - then we sat in front of the TV struggling to find something to watch - and avoiding anything to do with the coronavirus.

I miss home, Andy, my bed (I'm sleeping in a bunk bed), the cats, space, my own routine - I am not used living communally - its all just very different to what I am used to.  Its not that it is awful or anything - and I am sounding like I am saying everything is just crap here - its not that - its just that on top of everything else I am out of my usual environment and that is stressful in itself.  Apart from a walk around a park with the dogs - we can't go anywhere or do anything.

Helen is struggling a bit too - today her daughter Eloise and her husband Paul - had a bit of a fallout and Eloise was in a right state.  Her son Zack was trying to mediate and she knows Eloise is struggling without her and she feels bad for not being there.  So it is definitely not easy for her either.  I don't think my mum realises that these things are not easy for us - she knows we are struggling with the loss of Dad, but the other things.......  I don't want her to know we have these other concerns because we are here to help her, and I feel guilty for complaining about it because its not about me at the moment it is about supporting my mum, but still... 

Me and Helen are supporting each other as well as mum, so that's good.  Anyway - I might try and suggest we have a game of cards or something different and distracting tomorrow - I might even try and go for a run or something...

Just a few other things to mention.  I was so touched today - I had bought a mug for my dad a few years back with a picture of the two of us on it and he had told me a while back that he was gutted because he had broken it.  I saw it today on a shelf - with a big piece missing including the handle - the picture was intact - he'd kept it and I found it on a shelf!  I was so touched that he'd kept it even though it was broken!

Also - we were going through some paperwork and I found something else that I was surprised and really touched that he'd kept.  It was a sign I had made when me and Andy picked him up from the airport when he came to see us in Sunbury on his own.  He'd come to help us convert our garage into a room and put a window in.  Me and Andy made a sign like the taxi drivers hold up with their customers names on.  I had written Sir Royston of Mad-chester! He had found it quite funny but I had no idea that he'd kept it!!