2 year anniversary - losing Dad

 Hi,

It is Wednesday - my day off and I was supposed to have a haircut at 10.30, but it was cancelled as the hairdresser has hurt her back! 

So, I'm sat here procrastinating until I get myself up, have a shower and meet Yvonne and and kids at 1pm :-)  I haven't seen Yvonne for ages - since I last saw her she will have lost loads of weight as she had Gastric bypass surgery, and i have put on a ton of weight (because I'm a lazy foodie).

She lost her step-dad George on 15th April (same date as Dad died) he wasn't old, and was a lovely guy - we met him at her wedding and during that week. Apparently it was cancer and was very quick - such sad, sad news.

I got sad on 15th, when I realised it was two years since that awful time, and I decided to go back and read my blog - I read a couple of paragraphs and had to stop because it was too upsetting.  I have tried not to dwell on it - it is better to think of past times with him rather than the end...

At the weekend I went to Manchester as it was two years since my Dad died, and Joanne (sister) arranged a memorial/get-together.  Long drive to Manchester, with Connor who came over Friday night to travel with us.   It was at Brackley Conservative Club - somewhere I'd not been before.  We got there a little early which was good because Bev, Joanne and Mum were there so I got to say Hi (and have a bit of the whiskey I took for the toast).  Lissa, Ada, Adam, (a heavily pregnant and struggling) Erika and Rory and Rudy turned up, as did my Helen, Paul, Eloise and Zack, my brothers Andrew & Antony and their partners and Andrews kids, my cousin Claire and her kids, and my Aunty Elaine, my Dads remaining brother Ronny, my Dads best mate Steve Lawrence and his wife, and many others came.

Joanne did a moving toast, which made me cry - there were pictures of my Dad everywhere....it was sad and at the same time really good to see all the family.

I proceeded to get quite tipsy - and tried to chat to everybody there.  It was a really good event.

Me, Joanne, Bev and Helen ended up chatting for quite a while - I love getting together with them - we never struggle to talk constantly and laugh a lot!  It was great just to spend time with people at different times, including our kids! Not enough time though!!

I hardly saw Andy - especially as he didn't have to keep me topped u with drinks as we drank the wine/whiskey provided for the toasts!  My Mum and Hilda and another couple did a couple of ballroom dances, and then George (Nephew - Bev's son) got up and danced with Hilda as he does competition dance.

Afterwards (because we had the room from 1pm - 6pm) we had arranged to go back to my Mums with the kids - but loads of people went back there (apart from Bev, Megan and Aimee - and they are not speaking - although Bev was approached about going and said she would go - a step towards peace - but my Mum said NO WAY).

Again it was great fun at my Mums with all the family there - just love being around them all! I might have got a little too intoxicated, and i did wake up the next day hoping I'd not said anything stupid or offended anybody!

Me and Andy got a lift back to the hotel from Erika - and I felt a little guilty because I really didn't want to get a taxi and Erika had struggled all day being so heavily pregnant...

Lissa & Adam both managed to get a babysitter (their Dad) for the night, so that must have been great for them!

We woke up really early so we made an early start on the journey home...dropped Connor off at Bristol train station - and I ended up sleeping on the couch for a while!  All in all - a great family time - for a very sad reason.

Sunday morning...hoping WW3 is not on its way....

 Hi! 

Yet again -months since my last post....just read over my last post looking at what I said and what has changed etc.

Covid - never really read about it now and life with regards to covid is very different to 2020.  We have all had 2 vaccines and a booster...from 24 February 2022 all restrictions were lifted and people testing positive no longer have to isolate - they are advised to isolate but are not being forced to.  I am worried that I will be made to go back to working in the office...really don't want to do that.  I reduced my hours slightly so I finish at 4.30pm and at the moment, as soon as I finish I immediately get changed and start decorating (painting games room dark green!). If I have to have travel time in my day - this will change a lot of things.  Depending on Andy's job and our finances if I am forced to go back into the office I'd be very tempted to leave....

In other news.....

So - Russia has decided to invade Ukraine! The last few weeks it has been on the news because he was gathering his army around Ukraine's border, Putin was saying it was a training exercise and at one point said the army was leaving - but then he made an announcement that he was making two area's of the Ukraine independent states and he was moving his army in for 'peacekeeping' purposes! Nobody believed this and it was very worrying...then he made an announcement that Ukraine was committing genocide against their people (with no evidence whatsoever) and that he was going to de-nazify Ukraine.

Since then (only a few days) it has been war! Ukraine are not a member of NATO (otherwise it would be full on WW3, with NATO fighting Russia) but instead countries are sending weapons to Ukraine and imposing financial restrictions against Russia.  Ukrainian's are fighting! Citizens have either fled or have agreed to fight and are being given guns and are being advised to make Molotov cocktails - which they have been doing.  Normal looking everyday people - women and men have been seen queuing up to collect guns and have been since in large groups making the Molotov cocktails.  Lots of people went into the underground stations and basements to stay away from the bombing.  On the news/Twitter etc. we see reports of the fighting.  One tiny Island (snake Island) had just 12-13 people on it - were approached by a Russain warship who told then to lay down their arms and surrender or get attacked...they replied (all over loud speaker) F**k you Russian war ship! unfortunately they were then bombed and killed.  

Last night was the worse so far with Ukraine's 2nd largest city Kharkiv, seeing lots of bombing and fighting and a gas pipe being blown up.  We watched nothing but the news, webcams and trawled twitter last night and about 2am (their time) you could hear the fighting in the distance from one of the webcams - it sounded scary and I cannot imagine what that would be like to live through.

There are reports that the Ukrainian's are doing well defending themselves - but I can't imagine it will end well because it is Russia after all!  I don't think the Russian soldiers want to be there, there is footage of Ukrainians laughing at Russians after they ran out of fuel and were stranded on the road - Ukrainian's saying - do you want a lift back to the Russian border? lol

The Ukrainian president Zelenskyy is coming across as a hero - going out onto the streets with a gun and urging his country to fight!  Putin will want him dead and he knows it - I hope he survives - as well as his country!

If Putin makes any move against countries on the outskirts of Ukraine, which are members of NATO then it will be war! He has very dangerous nuclear weapons so its very worrying right now...

Russian's are protesting about the war against Ukraine - many of whom are being arrested (about 2000 I believe), there are demonstrations all over the world against Russia - because its a war without a cause!

Ukraine president Zelenskyy

The poor Ukrainian's - having Covid like the rest of the world and as it eases they get invaded!

Saturday morning in my PJs

 

Its cold in this house! I've just got up and have a jumper on and am sat under a blanket in the living room, and I thought to myself - I'll update my blog!

I cannot update everything because it has been ages! 

Oh, I think there might be a bird in my chimney....I can hear something!

So as a little catch-u I might do little categories - erm....coronavirus, work, family, house?

Coronavirus

Well, it is obviously still a big part of our lives, most (sensible) people have been vaccinated and now we have boosters 6 months after our last jab.  Andy has just been called for his booster but I think I have to wait until February.  Life feels a little safer since vaccinations....oh god there is a bird in the chimney! 

Sorry - yeah life feels a bit safer because although the vaccination does not stop you catching covid, it has seriously reduced the level of ppl in hospital and dying - although people are still dying...let me find the latest figures....

5,163,433 deaths in the world so far

143,716 deaths in the UK

Germany are currently going back into lockdown - they had 39,000 new cases in a single day and are on their 4th wave - this is apparently because of the large numbers of un-vaccinated people.  Why are people not getting vaccinated? I guess some have genuine reasons, but there are still conspiracists - some crazy things out there such as the government are injecting trackers etc. well in my opinion if you believe that and then get covid you might think - erm...maybe a government tracker would have been better than this! 

I watch very little news really on it - I used to be glued to it, but I find it depressing and there is not much that is new anymore - it is more a way of life.  Life in general is much more 'normal' than it was.  I had to go to HQ the other day - the motorway was really busy and I thought to myself, the last time I drove here was right at the beginning9 of the first lockdown - and there were barely any cars at all on the roads.  In fact I resented the fact that I was one of the few people that had to leave the house because I had just got a new job and had to turn up for a weeks training - it was during that week that my dad got taken into hospital.  Wow - that was such a stressful, terrifying and awful time in my life.

At the moment in the UK the group with the highest levels of covid are kids - then they are coming home from school and passing it on to their parents.  As we approach winter/Christmas levels are rising again and we suspect another lockdown might be headed our way. Boris Johnson is trying to avoid a Christmas lockdown again...

Work

So I am still in the fraud team - I work from home I am extremely happy to say and it will probably be this way from now on.  I go into the office when I have an interview or something, but mostly I get up and go up into the attic (and Andy goes to the basement) and we work there all day.  We often meet in the kitchen for lunch lol - but other than that we may as well be in different work places.  Took a long time but I now feel that I have settled into the role, I feel part of the team and it feels quite normal.  Such a difficult, depressing start to working in this job and that on top of losing my dad and the coronavirus being so terrifying - it nearly broke me.  Now I work mon/Tues/Thurs/Fri - 10 hour shifts and I work on the house mostly on Wednesdays and at the weekend.  Frustrating though because I cant just get stuck into a big job like I used to....

We had a team day the other day (that's why I drove to HQ) and I met some of the wider fraud team for the first time - including Niki who was my mentor for quite a while, and I have been in this role for a year now!  We all did lateral flow tests before we arrived and wore masks (mostly), but other than that it was fairly normal - or pre-covid.  I really like the people I work with so that makes life easier - nothing worse than having a crap boss!  Would still like to be my own boss again though and just do DIY and look after the house - but hey-ho....

Family

So, I dont see the kids as much as I'd like - but we all live quite a distance from each other - I am always trying to persuade them to move here but they won't....

The three grandkids which were born in the height of the lockdown are doing well! All just about walking and starting to talk -they are all amazing and I adore them!! I get constant videos and pictures so feel in some ways that I have watched them growing up.  Adam and Erika are expecting another!! Another boy lol.  I had missed calls from Adam one day and he complained to Andy who passed on the message that he had been trying to get in touch.  When I checked my phone I saw the missed calls and a message which said Erika is pregnant! I did not believe this - even slightly, I assumed he was after a reaction from me because I had not responded to earlier messages so I replied saying, Oh that's nice, I'm decorating the hallway!  Then I called him and realised that he was serious!! He later admitted that my response had really pissed him off! I never would have responded like that if even a part of me thought he might be serious! hahah Anyway - after the shock of it - and the fear of how they would cope - I think they have now got used to the idea - and I can't wait to welcome another one into the family!!

Lissa has been arranging her wedding for next year - i went wedding dress shopping with her - which was amazing because so is so gorgeous so looked stunning in the dresses!  She messaged me yesterday though saying she might put the wedding back because she really wants another baby and doesn't want to wait - so who knows right now what she is going to do - but i could end up with another 2 grandkids next year!

Connor moved back to Cardiff, and is living in a shared house and working in a warehouse - he has apparently recently ended the relationship he was having with a girl called Holly, he wasn't 'feeling it'.  I worry about him but he assures me that he is doing well, and is DJ on a regular basis somewhere - he does drum & bass stuff

My mum seems to be doing really well considering she lost my dad last year.  I'm sure it is not all good for her and she has some very difficult times, but over-all she is doing well.  She is going to get the train here on her own in a couple of weeks and that is a big step for her and I am proud of her for doing it.  She realises that unless she takes this step and is able to travel, she will really be restricted and wont be able to visit me or Helen.

My mum is coming here for Adams birthday get-together - it is his 30th! I'm going to be the mother of a 30 year old! wow. Stressing a bit because I have no idea what to get him!! But should be good having everybody here for a party!! Hopefully there will be no lock-downs to ruin it - and I will ask everybody to do a covid test before they get here!

House

Have to mention where we are up to here! We got the driveway done as per my last post - but the gates we were getting have turned into a nightmare because the guy properly let us down! The gates are in place but we can't use them, they do not have the electronics fitted or the security and codes to let us in etc. cos he kept lying about turning up, or telling stories about why he was putting us off, then told us he was going into liquidation but he would not let us down - then just stopped answering out messages.  So - screw him, asshole! Can't seem to find somebody to come and finish a job half done...

Got somebody coming today because the roof is leaking in 2 places.....

I have decorated the upstairs and downstairs hallways now, I stripped the paint off the front door and I am going to try and darken the wood so it matches the stairs...I have plenty to do still!!  I really want to do the games room soon but damn work gets in the way! It is so frustrating - I really would like my old life back.  I'd love to just take 3 months off work to get stuck in again, maybe next year I will see if that is a possibility.

Just remembered I need to chase up a guy who has the window frame my dad built - he is going to be doing the window in the annex that has caused me so much stress.  One of the last things my dad said to me is - I need to do your window! I remember finding the frame in them garage at my mums when me and Helen stayed there at the time he died - and I went to pieces....so it has been an emotional issue for me.

We got the house valued a while ago - and were very pleased with the valuation - they said when it is finished - which is still quite a way off really - then it would be valued at 1.3m - but who knows what we would actually be able to sell it for! I don't want to move though - still love this place.

Can't think of a heading

In general life is okay - not pre-covid, pre-going back to work okay - but okay.  We are healthy and managing and getting by - and I don't cry every time something reminds me of my dad like I used to, but it is still awful to think about what happened to him, and I miss him so much!  Life still feels like we are in some kind of limbo though.  There is always the worry about covid whenever we leave the house.  It feels a lot like it is work/eat/sleep/repeat.  I am definitely not as out-going as I was and I can be quite anti-social now.  I don't like going off somewhere - I don't really like having to leave the house.  I have put on so much weight and got so unfit, that it feels like a different 'me' and I am not at all happy about that!  I keep trying to get the motivation back to look after myself and I don't know why I can't seem to do it.....oh making myself feel depressed now....

Today - I think our first job when Andy gets up is to release the bird in the fireplace - then we are going to go out and do a food shop - that is a rare thing indeed! It has all been online for so long! But had to cancel shopping as hadn't edited the order and we didn't want all the stuff they class as our regular purchases - such as all the vegan stuff Connor used to get!

We might go out tonight for food - the plan is we go out and make plans - plans for the house, for Christmas etc.  We did it a few days ago - but ended up not even mentioning the plans lol - we were having fun chatting and eating.  It is good to have the option now to go out and do that kind of stuff after so long not being about to do anything like that!

Okay I think that is it for now! Hopefully I wont leave it too long until my next post!

Renovation of front driveway!

 So - time for some more before and after pics! Such a long time since I have been able to do this - and it is a sign of a little normality!

So - some before pics...hard to find actually considering how many pictures we have of the house!

and now for some progress pics......

might just skip to the completed pics....

First dose of the vaccine...tick!

So - its the end of April and I've not posted anything since February.  A lot has happened since then!

Andy had his first dose of the vaccine a few weeks ago - maybe longer than that? It seemed everybody around me, my age or younger had the vaccine but me - but then i got mine yesterday - hence why I have the time to catch up on my blog! Its my day off and I am having a couch day as I feel so tired and yuk! I was quite a wuss about the needle.  I've been nervous about it for a while as I have a thing for needles, and it didn't help that the vaccine and its progress has been on the news loads and every time they play film of people having the needle or a photo of a needle!

I got the vaccine at Taunton Race Course - Andy got his at our doctors surgery.  The people doing the injections were so good with me - it was obvious I was struggling - but I got through it - and the injection itself was nothing!  Then as the day went on I just got mega tired! I had a sleep - and ended u in bed really early - and now I just feel like I have a mild flu.  Andy just went to the shop for me and brought back a ton of cake and chocolate - so Keto went straight out of the window!

In other news - Andy got a job and is working again! yay!!  What a relief! He is working for a cyber security company - sounds like he is already bringing them a lot more than they expected - and he is really enjoying it!

This has meant we were able to use some of the redundancy money - and we got our front carpark transformed into an actual driveway! I'll put before and after pics up on another post.

We also decided to splash out on carpets - so I went on a huge painting spree before they were delivered/fitted.  Wanted to get some wallpapering done too - but ran out of time.  Because they had the wrong size for one of the rooms, and didn't allow enough time - they are not finished yet, but we're almost there!

Ehhh I feel sick! Not sure if that is the carrot cake I just ate or because of the vaccine...probably both!

So - where are we with the lockdown? So - we locked down early in the year (again) on 6th January 2021 because things got really baaaaad and then some of those restrictions were lifted on 12th April 2021 - so it was a long lockdown!  On 12th April - the main differences were -  you could go to the shops, hairdressers, meet a few people outdoors.  During this time vaccinations were surging ahead and hospital rates and deaths went right down.  

The next change is 17th May - where two households can meet indoors....then by June 2021 all restrictions should be lifted.  I am not sure this will happen however, because there is always the threat of a new surge.

The UK are aiming to have everybody vaccinated by July 2021 - apart from the few that can't be vaccinated for medical reasons or the weirdo's who think the whole thing is fake and a scam (annoys the crap out of me!)

The news at the moment is reporting on the disaster occurring in India - they are running out of oxygen, there are photo's of people dying outside hospitals, loads of funeral pyres - and just death and heartbreak.  They have just reported over 200,000 deaths.  It is so tragic....

The UK have had 127,451 deaths.  Although we have all lived with the pandemic for over a year now - it is still difficult to believe that this hit the whole world like it did - still feels surreal.  I'm still finding it very difficult to come to terms with losing my Dad.  It was the anniversary of his death on 15th April 2021.  I allowed myself to wallow in the sadness and let myself think of the memories - all of which I push down most of the time because it is too painful.

So - its my 50th Birthday in May - and I am hoping to get to see all the kids, and Helen and Paul.  That will be awesome - we are all going to take covid tests before we meet up - Helen and Paul will be the first to come over- and then Adam, and then Lissa.  You can get tests really easily now - just go online to the Government website and every 2 days you can order a pack of 7 tests per household.

Connor is still living with us - and it is great having him here - we socialise together almost every weekend - play pool - and now poker too!  I get to see loads of pics of the grandkids usually via WhatsApp - it does feel like I've seen then grow up to some extent - even though I haven't been able to actually see them in person.  They post pictures daily which is awesome.

I hope the weather is nice when they visit - I bought them a garden swing lol - and it will be awesome to be able to play in the garden and have BBQ's.

we'll have to see!

A little tired and hungover!

 Hi,

So....I just read back over my last blog - which I forgot to post - maybe I hadn't finished? anyway it is mainly talking about Trump....he has left now thankfully...and his impeachment trial is ongoing - but he wont get found guilty....

So England went into the 3rd Lockdown on 6th Jan 2021 (I think that was the date) and it is now 6th Feb 2021 and I down think the lockdown will be lifted until March.  We still have high daily death rates and people in hospital.  The vaccine is being rolled out - think they have moved from the over 80's to the over 70's.  People in care homes have had the vaccination too.  My mum and Andy's parents have had it, as well as Helen and Paul because they work for the NHS....don't think me and Andy will get it until May - and because i am not 50 until May - I could miss out on the over 50's if it comes to us before then.  I'm a bit nervous about it - hate needles! Also some people get quite ill - but I don't really care, I'd rather feel a little safer having had it!

The UK is now at 111,264 - so well over 100,000 cases - the new variant didn't help being so much more contagious. We have been over 1,000 cases a day and too many days.... Hopefully the vaccines will start to have an effect soon.  People have been living with this for almost a year now and life has just changed so very much.  Seems like such a distant memory being able to just get together with people - go out shopping, go for a meal or a night out.  How we took it all for granted!

Last Friday, I decided to get dressed up - by that I mean - but actual normal clothes on rather than lounge wear! I did my hair and put some make-up on and got Connor and Andy to make an effort too - they were more than happy to join in - then we had a games night - we called it our night out, in.  We did the same again last night - hence why I'm a bit delicate today!  We have a really good time with Connor - we all have a good laugh and play pool!  Everything has been a lot more fun lately, partly, or maybe mostly, because Connor moved in, but partly I think, because I am enjoying work a lot more - I've changed my hours and am working Mon/Tues Thurs/Fri and work longer days so I get Wednesday's off.  Also - Andy has started to get interviews and the market seems to be improving.

I still can't wait though until we can start to get back to 'normal' or at least having the kids come around with all the babies!!  They wont be babies when I see them though they are all growing up so fast!!

Doesn't look like 2021 is going to be better than the infamous 2020!

 

Hi again!

So today there have been the most deaths reported in a 24 hour period than any other day since the pandemic began - with 1,325 deaths.  To think we were over the worst of in the summer - and we actually went out once or twice too!

Well the other day I posted figures for the first time in months - this was on Tuesday and it is now Friday - here is a comparison:

Tuesday 6th Jan 2021

Total world cases: 86,549,352

Total fatalities: 1,871,620

UK total cases: 2,774,479

UK fatalities: 76,305

Friday 8th Jan 2021

Total world cases: 88,902,065 - difference of 2,352,713

Total fatalities: 1,915,338 - difference of 43,718

UK total cases: 2,957,472 - difference of 182,993

UK fatalities: 79,833 - difference of 3,528

Over 1,000 deaths a day in the UK since Tuesday!  I don't mind admitting I don't want to leave the house - it is very scary!

In other news - after talking about the madness of president Trump - it all went to crap in America!!

So, Congress convened to validate Joe Biden’s presidential win, Trump addressed the crowd just outside the White House for more than an hour, urging them to march on the Capitol building. “We will not take it any more,” he said.  “You’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong … I know everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building. To peacefully, patriotically make your voices heard.”  The crowd followed his instructions and began marching on the Capitol.

Many of these people had guns on them!  They forced their way into the capital building - and senators were terrified and hiding - this was all on TV - we sat there amazed watching it on the news (so many times in the last year we have watched TV news in disbelief over one thing or another!).

In the end 4 people died and one police officer....

When all those people were inside the building - Trump was called upon to do/say something - eventually he released a recording which started with the RUBBISH that he had been cheated - he told the rioters - we love you, but you need to go home!  NOT you are criminals causing criminal damage and threat to lives, leave or be shot or arrested - lots of people are saying if it was the Black Lives Matter protestors it would have been very different!

Since then there have been calls for him to be impeached (again) or to use the 25th amendment to remove him.  I don't think either of these will happen as he has less than 2 weeks left as president - but I wish they would do it!

He later came out and condemned the rioters - but it did not seem genuine - and it was edited so somebody took his stupid rants out to make it look better.  he is now saying he is not going to attend Biden's inauguration...CNN said:

President Donald Trump said he would not attend his successor's swearing-in, a day after his top aides cajoled him into releasing a video conceding he would soon be departing office.

"To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th," Trump tweeted, making formal what many had long assumed: that Trump would eschew the traditional step of personally demonstrating the peaceful hand-off of power to President-elect Joe Biden. He'll be the first outgoing president to skip his replacement's inauguration in more than 150 years.

It came as Trump faces an uncertain final stretch in office. His top aides delivered a blunt warning to him Thursday as he sat sullenly in the West Wing and watched as his Republican allies, Cabinet secretaries and former senior staffers criticized or denounced him one by one.

It is crazy that he was voted in, in the first place - as he's an egotistical idiot on a huge power trip who cannot take/accept losing and has to sulk and blame everybody else - wow he makes me so annoyed!!!  Most of the people breaking into the Capitol building were not wearing masks and we are in the worst part of this pandemic with evidence of a new much more contagious variant - so there will be a massive spike in the virus amongst the people that were there (typical Trump supporters because he has led ppl to believe that it is nothing to be scared of).