2021 - a New Year ahead.....

 

Hi!

So I haven't written anything since September 2020.  I wrote that I was still fed up but looking forward to the fraud job I got, that the NFL season had just started and both our teams won, we had a great time meeting up with ppl for Andy's birthday and that I had lost a stone (but just gained 4lb after the birthday celebrations!).

Well, I have started the new job now (on November 23rd) and it lifted my mood considerably and made me realise just how much I was not enjoying my job!  I work from home everyday and have an office set up in one of the attic bedrooms - I enjoy the work more, and don't have to work shifts - a massive improvement.  Andy still doesn't have a job and has now left HP - although it doesn't feel like it as he has had no pay-out - still has his laptop etc. but that should get sorted soon.

The NFL game that the Jaguars won - was THE ONLY game we wont this season! lol.

Andy's birthday was the last time I think that we met up with anybody or have done anything because we went back into lockdown as the virus was spreading too quickly.  We then ended up with different tier systems around the country - at first 3 tiers but then a forth was added - with restrictions being more severe in the higher tiers.  The kids and grandkids were all supposed to come over xmas because they were relaxing the rules for a 5 day period - and then just before xmas they said - it is all cancelled because the virus has mutated and is now much more contagious with the number of infections going up - so nobody could come.  I cried when I listened to the news broadcast announcing this!  We had just spent hours decorating the house and making it look like santa's grotto expecting all our visitors - we wrapped all the presents and were getting excited, I couldn't wait to see everybody and catch up - and then it was all cancelled.  Then, we had to think about spending xmas day just the two of us - some advantages too - but not the same as a house full of partying happy people who have not seen each other for ages!

Christmas day was actually very cool - I had got used to the idea and over some of the disappointment - me and Andy had a really nice day - and we got in our fancy dress and had a video call with everybody which was really good.  We got to play with our pressies - which we never have time for!  Christmas dinner was not stressful at all - and we managed to keep the kitchen tidy.  It was my first Christmas ever in my life with just one other person - although I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend it with!

On Boxing day (I think) Somerset went into tier 4 (same as national lockdown) and this was a surprise - and very worrying because Somerset had never been hit very badly.  Tonight there is another announcement - I expect a full national lockdown.  We are getting more cases each day than ever before. Scary, scary stuff.  On a positive note vaccinations have been approved and they are being rolled out - me and Andy expect ours to be around June!

Connor has also moved back in with us! He has had a tough year.  Wales has had tough lockdowns which meant the apprentice he was doing was massively delayed so he couldn't earn money, and his driving lessons were delayed, then him and Emily split up - and he ended up having to get out of the house and he had no money - so he let us know on 29th Dec, and we collected him and all of his stuff on 30th Dec - we only just fit his stuff in the car!  So - he has only been here a few days - but it made a huge difference to our new year celebrations as we ended up playing drinking games and having a really good time.

Today was my first day back at work, which sucked - but at least I was at home!  Tonight we hear what boris has to say next.....

19 Sept 2020

 

19 Sept 2020

So, I know I haven’t been too happy in some of my last posts.  Nothing has changed lol.  That’s not true to be honest – I have been trying to get myself into a better place.  I have started working on the house again on my days off work, and that makes me feel a bit more productive. 

Me and Andy have been doing the Keto diet for about 8 weeks – and I lost 1 stone – until we had a weekend off and I put 4 lb on in 2 days! 

I applied for a job with the fraud team, which would mean I enjoy the work more, won’t get sent out at the drop of a hat when a case comes in, no shift work and mostly working from home – and I got the job!!  Have to wait a couple of months though because it is a new team and they are recruiting a new supervisor – but it can’t come soon enough!!

Andy still has not found a new job – he is still working (or not really working) his notice period, but it is very worrying and we both try not to let it get to us – but it does sometimes! 

Since I last wrote on here, Andy has had his 50^th Birthday!  I got him a Steve Vai guitar and other bits and bobs.  We did an Escape Room with Helen and Paul which was really good fun and we escaped in 52 minutes! Lol.  We went for a meal in Exeter – we went to the Cozy Club – and I had AN AWESOME burger – with actual bread! Lol.  This was the weekend that we both broke the keto diet (and I put on 4lb and Andy put on 7lb). 

When we got back home Adam, Erika and the twins had just arrived, Connor followed and Lissa came the next day (on the Saturday).  We were supposed to take it easy on the Friday night – because more of a party was planned for the Saturday – but we still drank too much and went to bed late! 

Saturday – Lissa turned up – and we put some 50^th decorations on the walls – the kids had got him £30 worth of scratch cards for his birthday and he won £47 lol.  Would have preferred £300,000!!  Helen, Paul, Eloise and Zack also came – and we all had a really good time!  Played pool, and a drinking game Paul and Zack had put together – bit difficult to remember now what was so fun about it cos I don’t remember the details, but I remember laughing a lot!

The next day, on the Sunday, Lissa and Connor had to leave, and Adam (and fam) stayed another night.  We all had a pretty lazy day and I was knackered! I went for an afternoon kip cos I really wanted to be able to stay up for the NFL – it was the first games for our teams! We continued our non-keto eating and had amazing nachos and cheese sauce!!  Both of our teams won!! Yay!!

 

27 July 2020

 

27^th July 2020

 

It has been so long since I have written in this blog, and I was doing so well too!  But – I suppose life got in the way because I have been working and the annex is back up and running.

 

I suppose the biggest thing that has happened since I last wrote is that Adam had his twin boys!  Erika had a section – so we knew when they were going to be born – and it was on 29 June – almost a month ago now – actually I believe that they were 4 weeks old today!  They are adorable!!  Rory and Rudy – Rory was 6lb 1oz (I think) and Rudy was 4lb 8oz.  I went to see them and Helen came with me when they were two weeks old, they were so unbelievably tiny and so cute!!!

 

I went to see Lissa, Antony and little Ada before I went to see Adam.  So that was awesome – having seen lots of pictures of Ada but not having seen her in the flesh – which just seems so wrong – but the virus is still very much about….

 

Lissa & Adam had got together before this and had taken pictures of their babies together.  Ada was in the middle and the twins were either side of her – and I couldn’t believe how big Ada was compared to the twins – it made her look like a toddler.  Adam got one printed out and sent me a copy in a frame which is awesome and is now on my wall.  When I saw Ada I was shocked at how small she was – she looked really big in the photo but still a tiny baby in reality – when I saw how small Ada actually was I thought omg how small will the twins be??  So, me and Helen spent the day with Lissa which was so good – to be able to chat with her and see her in the flesh rather than via video chat – and to see how happy she was with her gorgeous little girl!!  It was funny because she kept commenting about how alike me and Helen are – and I would have to agree in many things!  Me and Helen had a nice long chat on the journey – about something or nothing – it’s easy and we laugh at the same things, and we got much closer (if that is possible) when we spent all that time in Manchester together and went through the trauma of losing dad together.

 

Anyway – I thought it was really nice that Helen was with me, and she gets to see the babies and my kids too.

 

So after spending the day with Lissa we then headed over to Adams house and I walked in and OMG – the baby in his arms was so unbelievably small – I assumed it must be Rudy the smaller one – but it was Rory – Rudy was even smaller than that!!

 

I fell in love with all of the babies basically!  I could easily have brought any of them home with me (only one though!)

Another thing that was good about visiting Lissa and Adam was to see the work that they have both done on their houses – they have done such good jobs getting their house into really good condition.  New bathrooms and kitchens galore! Lol.  Both doing really well!

 

So – me and Helen spent the night at Adams and left to come home just after lunch time.  It had been a really awesome weekend catching up with everybody and seeing all the amazing babies!!

 

I then felt bad about Connor – about not having seen him for ages – and all the family chat just being about babies and stuff so I messaged him and they arranged to come to us the following weekend!  Then there were discussions about when Adam and Lissa might be able to come and visit – anyway to cut a long story short – they all came the following weekend!  It was so awesome!!  Having everybody come to us with all the babies too!!  It was just so lovely having all the family together – we had such a laugh and I enjoyed every minute of it!! 

 

We got lucky with the weather on the second day and the sun came out enough for us to have a BBQ – so we were all in the garden – I set my camera up to take 10 pics – we all stand there and be sensible for the first 1 or 2 pictures – then we get sill and mess about!  These always end up the best pics and I have managed to get one printed out – it turned up this morning and is now on the wall!!

 

13 August 2020

 

13 August 2020

 

So – it has been a while again.  I was going to suggest that I only write my blog if I am in a good mood but that’s not true because I wrote the blog all through losing my dad which is one of the hardest times of my life.  I think the lack of writing is time.  Actually that is not right either because I have lots of time where I just sit on my computer and browse or play – but for some reason I don’t make the time to write.  Maybe it is because I have nothing to say – nothing good, nothing to report….it is just same old same old. 

Andy pointed out to me the other day that I am just completely miserable all the time.  I know I feel miserable most of the time – but I didn’t think I came across like that lol.  I am miserable because I can’t seem to adjust to working full time.  I feel like I have had my life stolen.  When I am not in work, I am not off work long enough to think – right! I’ll work on this project or get on with that.  All I can think is – wow, I am supposed to be grateful for getting two whole days off, and it being so short, all I can seem to do is dread my two days being over and before I know it – I’m back at work again.

It is not like I don’t like the job – I do, as far as being employed by somebody else goes…I like getting paid! BUT I’d much rather be working for myself….either on the house or in property development.  I’m trying to figure something out so I can make it so!  In the meantime, I am apparently completely miserable lol.

I had a couple of crap incidents at work in the last couple of days too.  I had a very embarrassing lady moment incident in custody which I won’t go into detail about here! But I ended up driving home and crying on the phone to Andy.  Then yesterday I had to go to a different station and even though the weather has been unbelievably hot (because I am at work) it did rain – I went outside looking for somebody in the carpark to pass on a message, failed to find them but got wet in the rain, came back in, slipped on the floor and ended up sprawled all over the floor – initially thinking I’d broken my knee.  Luckily nobody saw this – but god I was annoyed and upset.  Just thinking THIS IS ALL CRAP! I have to drag myself off the floor and carry on working (way later than I should have been – this was at about midnight and I was supposed to have finished at 11pm) and I want my old life back where I didn’t HAVE to be anywhere and planned my own days and activities and LOVED LIFE (strop, strop, STROP!!!)

So getting things back into perspective, Andy is going to be jobless soon, so I am doing the right thing by working.  I have a good job, it’s what I used to do and the team are great, I have a great boss…blah, blah, blah……

Because this is effecting my mood, I am not doing other stuff – I’m not exercising with Lissa (or at all) although it is like 35 degrees most days lately (unless it is my day off as mentioned earlier!), and I am not keeping in touch with the kids or anybody really, I am not doing any work on the house….I am slobbing about doing nothing – Andy has been doing all the cooking or I just don’t eat cos I can’t be bothered.  I feel bad – I feel guilty.  Poor Andy.  He has all his own problems and he must just look at me and feel even worse.  I don’t know what to do – I don’t know how to pull myself out of it.  Andy keeps trying to talk to me to get me to see things differently, and it can help…in the short term.  Then I just get fed up again about all the things I want to do and cant, won’t or whatever!

AArrgghhhhhh

I should just mention that there are still many things in my life I am very grateful for, and I realise that I am extremely lucky to have the things that I have, and the people that I have.

reflection

So, a strange thing happened.  I stopped writing my blog, stopped looking at the coronavirus figures, stopped watching, listening or reading the news and I stopped thinking about my Dad. 

I suppose I realised that I was not thinking about my Dad – I had to do that because it was just too painful and upsetting – so I had to put it out of my mind whenever it popped up.  I did realise though that if something forced me to think about it – like my mum talking to me about him – I found it unusually upsetting and I would have to try and push it down again.  This hasn’t changed – I am writing this without thinking about him, or trying….

We went to a garden centre the other day – an unusual thing to do nowadays!  We picked out a couple of benches and arranged delivery and then we were led all the way through the place to the tills, and on the way we went through the clothes section – and wham….I remembered the last time I had been there – I was with my Mum and Dad – and me and mum spent ages looking at clothes and my dad was bored waiting for us and was looking at the books opposite.  As I remembered all this – I could see him there and basically by the time I got to the till with the guy I was wiping away tears and just wanted to sob.  I didn’t sob – and I managed to act normal – but then after I paid I mentioned it to Andy and got really upset and it was then that I realised, properly realised that I just don’t allow myself to think about him or anything to do with what happened – because it hurts too much. 

I also try and bury my head in the sand and not think about Andy’s problems getting a job – and this is bad but I don’t like him talking to me about it – not until he can say – don’t worry! It’s all sorted! I know that is selfish and he needs support and somebody to talk to – but as I am realising – I am putting my head firmly in the sand about many things.

I am trying not to complain and get really down about my job too – the actual job is fine I suppose – the people are really nice, but I do not want to be getting up and coming to work! Simple as that – I want my time back – time to work on the house – time to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it.  OOhhh the good old days, when I decorated, shopped and cooked and chilled….money wasn’t really a worry – we just needed a bit extra for the work we wanted to continue doing.  Then I stupidly applied for a job lol.  Then the virus hit, Andy’s job went tits up, I had to start the new job at the height of the virus and then I lost my dad. Boom.

I have looked at the news today and there is talk of the over 50's being isolated if the should there be a spike in coronavirus levels.  Andy is 50 in September - next month - so that may well effect him!  I'm not 50 until next May, although I would very much like having to stay at home!  I though though, they will assess your risk if you are aged 50 - not every over 50 year old....

Also in the news today is that the state of Victoria in Australia has declared a 'state of disaster' after a rise in coronavirus cases.  They are going into full lock down.  So this virus is no way near done yet!  In this country we have now lost 46,196 people and had 303,952 cases.  I don't know what the daily death rates are now - on 1st August it was 74.  So still a fair amount.  Lock down has eased loads with shops open, pubs open - although it is far from normal when you go to these places.  This will probably cause a spike and I think the government are aware of that as they are looking at what to do 'if' the levels spike - I think it is more about 'when' the levels spike.  

Apparently Boris Johnson is considering sealing off Greater London and ordering at-risk members of the population to stay at home under a potential scenario designed to avert a second national lockdown. Possible measures include locking down the capital if infection rates spike and tightening quarantine rules on those flying into the U.K., there would be travel curbs in and out of the M25 highway encircling Greater London and a ban on overnight stays.

So really there is nothing in the news saying - we are beating this!  It is all about rising levels after the easing of the lockdown - and what we are going to do about it.

We are about 6 months in from our first cases in the UK.  I can't even hazard a guess when we might see some form of 'normal'.  However, I guess we are all getting more used to it and it seems less urgent, stressful and weird!

catch up - babies galore!

It has been so long since I have written in this blog, and I was doing so well too! But – I suppose life got in the way because I have been working and the annex is back up and running. I suppose the biggest thing that has happened since I last wrote is that Adam had his twin boys! Erika had a section – so we knew when they were going to be born – and it was on 29 June – over a month ago now. They are adorable!! Rory and Rudy – Rory was 6lb 1oz (I think) and Rudy was 4lb 8oz. 

 I went to see them and Helen came with me when they were two weeks old – I went to see Lissa, Antony and little Ada first! So that was awesome – having seen lots of pictures of Ada but not having seen her in the flesh – which just seems so wrong – but the virus is still very much about…. Lissa & Adam had got together before this and had taken pictures of their babies together – and I could not believe how big Ada was! Adam got one printed out and sent me a copy in a frame which is awesome and is now on my wall. When I saw Ada I was shocked at how small she actually was – she looked really big in the photo but still a tiny baby in reality – I thought – omg how small will the twins be?? Me and Helen spent the day with Lissa which was so good – to be able to chat with her and see her in the flesh rather than via video chat – and to see how happy she was with her gorgeous little girl!! It was funny because she kept commenting about how alike me and Helen are – and I would have to agree!

Me and Helen had a nice long chat on the journey there (and back) about something or nothing – it’s easy and we laugh at the same things, and we got much closer (if that is possible) when we spent all that time in Manchester together and went through the trauma of losing dad together. Anyway – I thought it was nice that Helen was with me, and she gets to see the babies and my kids too. 

So – we then headed over to Adams house and I walked in and OMG – the baby in his arms was so unbelievably small – I assumed it must be Rudy the smaller one – but it was Rory – Rudy was even smaller than that!! I fell in love with all the babies basically! I could easily have brought any of them home with me (only one though!) Another thing that was good about visiting Lissa and Adam was to see the work that they have both done on their houses – they have done such good jobs getting their house into really good condition. New bathrooms and kitchens galore! Lol. Both doing really well! So – me and Helen spent the night at Adams and left to come home just after lunch time. It had been a really awesome weekend catching up with everybody and seeing all the amazing babies!! 

I felt bad about Connor – about not having seen him for ages – and all the family chat just being about babies and stuff, so I messaged him and they arranged to come to us the following weekend! Then there were discussions about when Adam and Lissa might be able to come and visit – anyway to cut a long story short – they all came the following weekend! It was so awesome!! Having everybody come to us with all the babies too!! It was just so lovely having all the family together – we had such a laugh and I enjoyed every minute of it!! All the babies were well looked after – there were no crying fits – I think Andy was surprised, his idea of babies was constant crying! 

 We got lucky with the weather on the second day and the sun came out enough for us to have a BBQ – so we were all in the garden – I set my camera up to take 10 pics – we all stand there and be sensible for the first 1 or 2 pictures – then we get silly and mess about! These always end up the best pics and I have managed to get one printed out – it turned up this morning and is now on the wall!!

Monday

Hi,

So - not posted for a few days again - and I haven't kept up to date with the coronavirus figures.  I think I have been trying to avoid it all because I'm fed up of hearing about it - and the people dying all the time!  However today is a special day with only 15 people dying int he UK - obviously still 15 people too many, but the reduction is amazing...

The lock-down is easing too - more shops have opened, and there are further plans to ease up....not long until pubs and restaurants can open again - with strict rules however....

so last week I was in work everyday working in the DIT team - interviewing everyday - it was tiring!  It was also good being busy and being reminded of what I used to do.  Was glad when it was over however!  

The weekend was very lazy - and also fathers day!  Adam didn't send anything at all and nothing arrived from Connor either - although he reckons he sent something that was going to be late - it didn't turn up today (Monday) so I reckon he must have sorted something online on Sunday! lol.  Lissa was a star as usual - something turned up for Andy about a week ago - and he got a card too.  All I could think about was my dad however....and I did get upset a few times throughout the day.  I miss him.  I still can't get over how unfair it all was....I still focus sometimes on him being mostly alone and the realisation he must have had at some point that he was not going to survive...and lots of other negative things like that.

So - today I was supposed to have a day working from home - but when we had our Skype meeting my boss asked me to come in to help on a case.  So I got ready and went in and worked all day on a production order.  I quite enjoyed it actually - didn't mind being in the office at all.  Tomorrow I am wfh - then I am in on Wednesday....then I have Thursday/Friday off - but am working at the weekend!

So - a week today me and Andy will be grandparents to 3 grandchildren!!  Erika is going in for a planned c-section!  I'm nervous that everything will be okay - but I'm sure it'll all be good!  Can't imagine Adam being a dad to twins!  

Connor and Emily should be next - hopefully they won't leave it too long!  I'm sure they will all make great parents - as they have obviously had good role models!!